Verbosely Vapid Vagrant

D - 36: Circadianized

2011-09-23T00:20:00.003+05:30

D-Day - (minus) 36: When day turns to night and night to day and you can't tell the difference, except by your 24 hr clock. Yeah, am gettin' there. The Zone awaits.

Day 10: Milestoned

2011-09-05T11:58:00.002+05:30

More a roadblock than a milestone. And more stoned than miled. Reading a lot, but nothing sticks. Carrot-and-stick policy may be the need of the hour. Back to subsistence needs and Pavlovian conditioning.

Day 6 [contd.]: No Turning Back

2011-09-01T23:01:00.002+05:30

Submitted the application form today. Whew. The <boing> of no return (though that was past with the start of my unpaid leave, stress on un). Or, as the instructions mention:

"NO REQUEST FOR WITHDRAWAL OF CANDIDATURE RECEIVED FROM A CANDIDATE AFTER HE/SHE HAS SUBMITTED HIS/HER APPLICATION WILL BE ENTERTAINED."

Day 6: All nighter!

2011-09-01T10:46:00.002+05:30

Momentous this is, for more reasons than one. Though I can't think of more than two, currently. One, an all-nighter after, let's see, 4-5 years! Secondly, my third consecutive post in 3 days! Am quite sure I've never done the latter before. The former, not since college, and definitely not for productive work (though work inherently should be so, has remained elusive thus far).

Day 5: Learning by Rote, Redundancy and Repitition

2011-08-31T13:23:00.001+05:30

Though I should be writing (with pen on paper), typing somehow makes me think I'll ratto-fy faster. In my current burst of enthu, the topics have begun to even seem interesting (a step further from simply 'sounding' so).

Administration, in particular, touches upon socio-managerial isues of prime relevance. (And yes, I'm talking like this since that's how I need to write those upcoming dreaded papers.)

"Just beyond the horizon of current events lie two possible political futures — both bleak, neither democratic.

Day 4: The Trough, nay, the Trench of Disillusionment

2011-08-30T18:42:00.003+05:30

On third thoughts, it should read: The Trough, nay, the Trench, and the Stench of Disillusionment.

Fluke euphoria past, it is time to get down to serious studying. Civil Services Mains. No quiver of thrill, just a shiver, every frickin' time I think of these words. Lemme do it again. Civil Services Mains. Hello, palpitations.

Day counting started from Saturday the 27th, though should've begun earlier. Less than 2 months to go now.
Day 3, yesterday, was pretty bad too. Hardly 4-5 topics covered. Then why am I sitting blabbing out here instead of trying to get another 10 pages crossed off the reading list? Well, I encountered what I may term my oldest nemesis - Inconsistency. Also, maybe the public venting will make my friends and well-wishers take note, and stay off my case, or what is more likely, nag me more.

Potter Review

2011-07-16T08:56:00.002+05:30

Harry Potter and The Bloody Brilliant End to the Saga.
Easily the best movie of the lot, brings a whole new level of pure Awesomeness to the series. And I'm not even talking of the 3D [though I could expound on the 3d gorgeousness of Hermione and heart stopping 3d prettiness of Luna]! Spoiler alert: The movie is so gripping it'll make you forget the book, and stop comparing, the instant it starts. (Haha, you thought I'd leak some info huh?)

The Weekend That Winged

2010-12-18T03:05:00.007+05:30

Standard High School English paper
Q1 (2 marks): Justify the title.

Ans: Pune > Mumbai > Istanbul > London > Edinburgh > Inverness > Edinburgh > London > Istanbul > Mumbai > Pune

*Whew* And oh, by the way, all that wasn't over a weekend. It was across an aeonical 4 days and 12 hours.

***

Misc. Continued

2010-12-14T03:44:00.004+05:30

On second thought - the title could be also mean miscontinued - denoting the act of continuing something that ought not to be. However, intending this post as an interlude, and oxymoronically as keeping the monologue going, gathering the momentum for the next (hopefully) set of flight-hop-logs.

Ah well, now that I'm at it, whaduzitmatta... left wanting by one's arbitrarily coherent thoughts, lemme bind 'em up untidily with that little piece of string called Misc.

Pune-d! Happiness.

2010-11-29T18:22:00.007+05:30

Blogosphere, I'm back. Typing away to glory in office (helps the work pretence), in a City I visited for the first time, and not one year after the aforementioned travel, seems to be a promising start.

Pune, Punya Nagari (City of Virtue - lol stuff, that, by the way), an Army cantonment since the Brit period, green and lean (6-8 mill population qualifies as lean in India), the Oxford of the East, yuppie kingdom, here I am!

And loving it, thanks to foreigners. No, did not go to the Osho Ashram. Yet. ;)

From the beginning, then. Landed in Bombay on a bright Sunday morning. And when a Dilliwala feels good about landing in Mumbai, heck, you can bet your Butt (or Haider, Asif, what have you) he's been homesick. Ah, nothing compares to not stopping to smell anything on Mumbai roads.

Burned

2010-11-12T12:00:00.001+05:30

Fettered at birth, shackled still,
Frittered, unwithered, the fire cackled within,
Festered forays, yet,
Held at will.

One legged freak, jeered they,
Charcoaled, besmeared, searing away,
Held my own I did,
Held sway.

"Beyond"

2010-09-12T17:43:00.001+05:30

Pass slowly, the Darkness beckons,
Iron out thy weary worries.

Time crawls by, apathetic You await,
Hasten the End, unto know not what Fate.

Rest awhile, my companion of bygone Eons,
May You find the Neverland of Fairies.

Obliviously reminisce, abraded within the Hate,
Love lost, hope bereft, thyself You berate.

More about God

2010-02-25T07:27:00.004+05:30

शत शत नमन - आज, और सदेव,
महा योद्धा, महा महिम, भगवन त्वमेव: ||

***

While many a writer better than I,
Shall devote reams to the Lord,
Here's my mini-Ode, with an awestruck sigh,
[May it strike a chord!]

A dash of History, a stew of Culture...and a sprinkling of non-logisms

2010-01-04T06:36:00.008+05:30

***

Non-logism (n): A nonsensical neologism.

My travels and travails remain undocumented so far - owing (for once) not completely to laziness, but also to being the busy man I am :D So here's a bit of flashback interspersed with the pick of the pics.

***

Crossing Continents and Greek and Latin

2009-12-21T04:56:00.005+05:30

Training sessions...a time to sleep off, or, less conspicuously, stare vacantly slash listlessly at your pc screen and lapse into a comatose stupor.
Add to it the pre-cognition that the medium, if not the content, will be Greek and Latin (for all practical purposes) - Turkish to be precise.
Top it all with the instruction for dress code to be what can be roughly translated as
'free clothing'. Paying no heed to the improbable possibility of sudden nudist tendencies of my patrons, I landed up quite a bit late, albeit decked up in my now usual business suit. The only way I could stand out more would've been if I had in fact stood outside. So by lunchtime I had been asked to lose the tie and willingly obliged.

Indi penchant Day

2009-08-15T01:07:00.007+05:30

"Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high;

Where knowledge is free;

Where the world has not been broken up into fragments by narrow domestic walls; Where words come out from the depth of truth;

Where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection;

Where the clear stream of reason has not lost its way into the dreary desert sand of dead habit;

Where the mind is led forward by thee into ever-widening thought and action --

Into that heaven of freedom, my Father, let my country awake."

-- Rabindranath Tagore

Here's my paraphrasing lime-wrecking...

Where the throat is without fear, and the nose is held high;

Where sneezing is free;

Talkin' Turki: Episode I :: International Idle

2009-07-27T17:48:00.004+05:30

The first few days in Istanbul were mostly spent idling, getting bored in office but picking up a smattering of Turkish - which, by the way, sounds like a cross between Arabic and French, and quite pleasing to the ear (easier on the eye actually ;o)).
But I seem to be getting ahead of myself.. (though that's like sayin' a snail overtook a slow-moving lump of tar)... so 'lemme' go flashbacking.... (picture those weird squiggles going round and round and the screen going B&W)...

***

Miscellaneous

2009-05-22T14:59:00.008+05:30

I love this word! Wholeheartedly. When in doubt, categorise it as "Misc."

The word itself stems from the Latin word root miscellus, meaning mixed, which btw, has close linkages to Sanskrit origins of the Hindi word mil. Interesting, innit?

Nothing sums up the feeling of 'what to call this load o' crap' - better than Misc. It can be used (and is) for documents, things/artifacts (too much fancy, no?!), questions, thoughts, even people (and odd ones too, though oddities are easier to label than normalcy), and well, blog posts... yep, Miscellaneous.

Biking Blubber Babble

2009-05-17T18:24:00.005+05:30

April 7, 2009

As I chanced upon my mail on a Saturday evening (the obsessive urge to refresh my inbox every 30 seconds having subsided from a disorder to a lower magnitude of craving), I discovered another Sunday cycling trip planned. (Yes, another. Meaning I did do this earlier too! The first ride with the Club was one of the 'Critical Mass' rides, covered by Tribune and HT. http://www.tribuneindia.com/2009/20090309/delhi.htm)

Considering how inertially inert I am towards any kind of movement (physical or revolutionary), it was a surprise to myself when I decided to get up (again!) at 5 the next morning and head towards DU.

This time we got our bikes rented from the DU Metro Station, and along with it being a smaller group, it was going to be a longer, more tiring ride. We rode along Ring Road towards ISBT, and crossed the Great Drain of Delhi (no, not the Najafgarh one) - Yamuna - over a big flyover, where one of the ladies lost steam (oops, that doesn't sound right). Anyway, the drinks break didn't seem to revive the aforementioned dainty damsel in distress, so she and her friend dropped out, while we continued... and thankfully, it was all downhill from there :D.

Descended along the Yamuna into Wazirabad greenlands protected area, with villagers gawking at our touristy attire and demeanour... while I clicked away merrily with my phone cam.

We passed by a multitude of cricket-playing kids, fields of some unknown crop, Gurdwara Majnu ka Tila in the distance, pedaling frantically forward at the sight of a juice-wala up ahead. The ganna being juiced out by a yoked bull befitted the rustic setting in the middle of Delhi, the beast of burden sweating it out for our benefit.

We then went down into fields of tomato, pumpkin, cucumber and kakree... stuffing pocketfuls and bagfuls for a measly Rs. 30. Delicious!

Followed the longish 30-40 min halt by perspiringly ploughing on over a pontoon bridge - back to Ring Road around Timarpur... heading back to the pavilion at Vishwavidyalaya Metro Station. Now that's a Sunday morning worth talkin' about, innit?!

Haven't been able to follow up on more cycle rides, but am tryin' to catch up with blogging on my vagrant activities... :o) Also, am tryin' to habituate my avid readers (all 2 of 'em) to shorter posts :D

About GOD

2009-04-24T15:44:00.012+05:30

I started writing this post around midnight on 25th... but thanks to my energy-conserving nature, am still at it!
----
Here's paying obeisance to Him (by getting off my lazy bum and starting to type...)

The messiah of the cricket-crazy masses, the infallible icon of our times, the only God I believe in - I bow to thee Sachin Tendulkar.

As an Aussie journo once mentioned - it is tough ask to describe, much harder to completely relate to - the devotion - bordering on hysterical obsession that Sachin evokes for us. Trying to put into words (without sounding cloyingly cuckoo!) the fervour of worship, the mystique, the aura the Little Master holds for fans, is like describing the intricate fractal effect of falling snowflakes, it's like calling a rainbow a bunch of colours, it's like tryin' to spot the Taurus constellation on a starry May night, it's like... well, without sounding needlessly geeky, let's just say it cannot be done.

So here's a lame attempt at textualizing the phenomenon that is Tendulkar.

Like many of the '80s generation, I have grown up watching the Mumbaikar's Magic. My earliest memories of following cricket date to being around 9 - '91-92, when Tendulkar had already made a mark on the international scene. He is the first cricketer we heard of as kids, the One and Only One we wanted to see bat, the Almighty who shaped our formative years.

The word junoon in all its glory cannot fathom the depth of fanaticism that the Master draws, not just for me, but every Tinku, Rinku and Hari who's ever picked up or dreamt of picking up a cricket bat. When I started playing cricket, anyone who wanted to bat (and as kids, all we want to do is that!) wanted to be a Sachin, and 30 years later (actually 27), the passion is unchanged.

To cite an instance, my friend Krish met the Master last year - for a Marketing campaign for the radio channel he was working with at that time. Krish recounted the chance meeting as, to put it mildly, unforgettable. The surprising part, he mentioned, was not just being face-to-face with the biggest hero of our time, but his own reaction/behaviour on meeting Sachin. Krish recounts, "I shook His hand, noticed the bulging forearms, muttered some pleasantries, and that's it - it was as if Time stood still! Sachin was speaking, I was hanging on to every word, but was absolutely unable to make conversation - opened my mouth and no words came out... the one incessant thought echoing in my head was - Sachin mere saamne khada hai." Krish goes on to tell us envious listeners, that at age 27 you don't expect to be a star-struck, bumbling teenager, and have goosebumps!

Sachin. I could go on forever, but in parts. To be continued.

Evil is as Veiled Vile does

2009-02-14T01:14:00.007+05:30

So Google - the supposedly grandly motto-ed "Don't Be Evil" gargantuan gargoyle - has been caught with its proverbial pants down.

Allow me to explain. The haloed hallowed enterprise has been discovered to be all hollow. As you well know, each software product these days comes bundled with an updater birdie- the damn thing that keeps cackling to connect to the 'Net..to look for bloody updates whether you need 'em or not, and more importantly- whether new friggin' updates are even available or not! Usually, disabling these pesky programs is as simple as unchecking an option- Auto Check for updates So, well, Google is no different, but the irritating bit is that it was supposed to be!

Hell, cynicism has reached new heights (or plumbed nouveau depths, as the case may be interpreted to be!)

The so-called suo moto can now be modified to: 'Be As Evil As Possible - Before You Get Kicked In The Nuts' - which, promise I thee this, shalt not be too far in the Future...

A couple of other points: 1. I hate, nay, that's too mild, I abhor / detest / despise all daemons connecting to the 'Net behind the scenes, iTunes, Adobe, Google - all crap inclusive. 2. However, it's easy 'nuff to block these buggers - simply disable access using your client firewall.

Bombay Babble (Blurb-ing)

2009-01-28T16:09:00.000+05:30

blurb
–noun
1. a brief advertisement or announcement, esp. a laudatory one: She wrote a good blurb for her friend's novel.
–verb (used with object)
2. to advertise or praise in the manner of a blurb.
Origin:
1910–15, Americanism; allegedly coined by F. G. Burgess

***
So here commences My Mumbai Memoranda... Episode I (Pilot?)

Broke my glasses the first day I landed in Mumbai - thankfully, my shadiness was preserved (numbered sunglasses).

First impression: Too much mention has been made in tales of yore, lore and bore, spreading far and wide - ad infinitum, ad nauseam - of Bombay local trains. Local they definitely are, however, the density of population aboard the lifeline of Mumbai is a little more, if not at par - with the DTC buses where my youth was forged. It was here that I attained anosmia (a term learnt from Scrubs, meaning: loss of sense of smell), and the perennial endeavour towards Olympian greatness - Citius, Altius, Fortius. Faster (than the others at the bus-stand), Higher (than the multitude on the footboard), Stronger (that I hang one-handed at least till the next stop).

***

But I seem to be digressing (as is often the case with my ruddy ramblings)... so coming back to my plastic glasses (an oxymoron if ever there was one?)... I spent the larger part of my Stay in the Sty (the secret name that Delhiwallas use for the Shitty City - I wonder why) peering like a senile cataracted lecher at all things in general, and chicks in particular.

As previously mentioned, my specky shades were my saviour, but ironically enough - I used to be indoors for the better part of the day. So while returning on auto at night I was... ummm.. forced - to look blind, though - and this is what I call Rusted Irony - I could see perfectly only with them on!

However, this wasn't the case driving through the streets at night (on the Rishi's chariot) to the tune of Marjaani Marjaani (interspersed with ad-libs of "Delhi Boys!! DELHI BOYZ!!")...

***

Back to the glossed over glasses... so here I was, rather - there I was, for the first time in a long long time, de-spectacled - for more than 2 days ('coz I always carry a spare pair - and have lost my current back-up recently, but that story deserves a more verbose ramble).

So for the very first time - I am seriously considering contact lenses. This would require a quick nostalgic recap of my frames...the first pair - a gargantuan frame that made me a nerd (- more than I was, or more importantly, wanted to be), and various permutations of the same with different colours and sizes. Then came the changeover to a metallic frame with photochromatic lenses (another blinding pair), and the move back to a lightweight sheet frame - needlessly nerdy again. Graduation brought the thick black oval-ish ones (which were later copied in tons of movies, e.g. Preity in Kal Ho Na Ho), to what I sport now - an aluminium + sheet plastic half-frame in silver and black that I fell in love with instantly (and which one friend referred to as 'varry seski'... sigh).

So soliciting your feedback, as to your opinion of contact lenses in general - not to include Rekha's horrifyingly blue eyes from 'Madam X' - an eye equalled only by the Eye of Sauron (- TLOTR for the uninitiated)... but we are digressing again - tell to me people - contacts in general - and on me in particular:

(a) "Yes, definitely!",
(b) "HELL NO!!",
(c) "Umm... maybe - you can't look worse than this!", or,
(d) WAWOT- FTP (What A Waste Of Time - Fuck This Poll)

***

PS: Now laudatory this mighta bin - but I guess it doesn't really classify as a 'blurb', what say?

Rahman Rocks!

2009-01-18T22:56:00.000+05:30

Delhi-6 - a love story set against the picturesque backdrop of old Delhi, named after the pin code for Chandni Chowk - 110006. The old world charm of Chandni Chowk is evoked brilliantly by Gulzar saab and Prasoon Joshi's lyrics... and brought to life by the maestro AR Rahman. A celebration of Delhi life! Must-listen! One of Rahman's finest (aren't they all?!).

Bhor Bhaye: (Shreya Ghoshal, Ustad Bade Ghulam Ali Khan, Gujri Todi): 3:19 Beautiful song in Hindustani Classical. Though I have less than zero knowledge of classical music, it sounds magical - Rahman shows his genius. A song to wake up to (unless you're a grumpy waker).
Masakalli: (Mohit Chauhan): 4:49 ~Picturised on Abhishek Bachchan & Sonam Kapoor~ The first song out on video - haven't seen it yet - but generations to come will sing this with gusto... Fantastically make-you-feel-good guy to gal song - teasing, soaring, very Delhi (as Annaps would say) in accent, sound and lyric. Mohit Chauhan showing that he sounds nice at high pitch too!! Loved the manmaani bit. Will remain the most popular song from this album.
Noor: (Amitabh Bachchan): 0:50 A dialogue by Amitji. Dunno why given a separate track. Too much style maroing.
Aarti (Tumre Bhavan Mein): (Rekha Bharadwaj, Kishori Gowariker, Shraddha Pandit, Sujata Mazumdar): 3:01 Aarti/Bhajan - pretty nice, with minimal use of instruments - signature Rahman. But I didn't have the patience to hear it out... :D
Genda Phool: (Rekha Bharadwaj, Shraddha Pandit, Sujata Mazumdar): 2:50 Very hummable ladies' sangeet type song - reminds me of Naina Milaike from Saathiya. Nice lyrics.
Dil Gira Dafatan: (Ash King, Chinmayee): 5:39 At the outset, let me take credit for googling and finding out the meaning - dafatan (Urdu) - means jhatke se translated to Hindi, or 'all of a sudden'. (And of course, Google rules!) Ash King - whoever he is - sings really well... hope to hear more from him. Chinmayee pitches in with her koel-esque touch for a few lines... Slow love song, lovely music (goes without saying, actually).
Hey Kaala Bandar: (Karthik, Naresh Iyer, Bony Chakravarthy): 5:43 Cool dude song - can't wait to sing it at whoever strikes my fancy... foot-tapping table-thumping rhythm.
Rehna Tu: (A. R. Rahman, Benny Dayal, Tanvi Shah): 6:51 Typical Rahman song that grows on you - though it's maybe not as cult as Khwaja-ji or Dil Se.
Delhi 6: (Blaaze, Benny Dayal, Vivinenne Pocha, Tanvi Shah, Claire): 3:36 Brilliant. My ringtone already! "Yeh shehr nahi mehfil hai" - wah wah!! This song rocks - it's about Delhi, so well, it's got to, ain't it?! :D My fave of the movie.
Arziyan: (Javed Ali, Kailash Kher): 8:42 Rahman's forte I think - Maula songs... :o) Beautiful lyrics again, reminiscent of Khwaja ji, but really good in it's own right (and left).

PS: The whole album is out on torrents :D 320 kbps!

Vote for Valiantly Vain Attempts

2009-01-04T13:17:00.000+05:30

Long time no review... so here goes...

Oye Lucky! Lucky Oye!

A disappointing end to a fantastic start. Good stuff for Abhay Deol - wonder where he was all those years Bobby wasted screen time and space. Paresh Rawal's performance is outstanding. Neetu Chandra as Sonal, is so girl-next-door pretty - I could stare dreamy-eyed at her forever...

Lucky's rise to 'Superchor' is well done, but goes way overboard in the latter half. (If the Patient Reader is wondering if I like only first halves of all movies - the answer is no!)

I wanted to watch the movie just listening to the title song - makes me want to break into an uncoordinated jig uncontrollably - every single time I hear it.

Lastly, I can only hope that Abhay doesn't go the Tusshar Kapoor/Uday Chopra way - he has slightly more talent.
Memento

Christopher Nolan's finest. The most amazingly original narration sequence in history, I'd say. Breath-takingly brilliant direction (obviously!), story, acting - the works. Guy Pearce excels as the guy with the 'condition' - anterograde amnesia, and his struggle with this handicap is portrayed superbly. His search for the killer ties in beautifully with the movie watcher's struggle to make head or tail of the story... culminating in a stunning anti-climax, leaving you overawed with the conceptualization, the depth of deception and the myriad shades of grey.

Brilliant (there's no other word!). Must-watch. Twice over (to begin with).

Christopher Nolan established his brilliance with this 2000 film, and I can't wait to see his other movies that I've missed. To make a point, he's made 6 films in all, and all are among the best movies of all-time!!
Full Metal Jacket

1987 movie based on young American recruits in the Vietnam war. The first half is brilliant, the training grind under a quirky sergeant is entertaining and engaging. The suddenness of the shooting scene, however, is not. After that the film meanders towards I-dunno-what.

Had downloaded this 'coz it's supposed to one of the all-time best war movies, and was watching it at one of my all-time sleepiest. So well, the combo ruined it I guess.

Anyway, the futility of war is what is the only thing brought out. The ending is abrupt and merciful. Forgettable.
Yes Man

Wonderfully feel-good movie, Jim Carrey in a slightly subdued mode...not his usual over-the-top self...but lol funny nevertheless. The first half is slow, picking up with the entrance of the leading lady (who's awesomely pretty btw). The story, though predictable, is refreshing, I suppose most of us would identify with trying to break the Martyred-by-My-Own-Mundane-Existence mould.

The only surprising bit to me was how old Jim Carrey looks - (Chorus: "'Coz he IS - twitbrain!")
Love his hyper antics and expressions, one of my favourite actors, though the movie won't make it to my list of Jim Carrey's Top 3. (-1- Ace Ventura - both, -2- Liar Liar and -3- Dumb and Dumber)

All in all, good timepass, I'd see it over Ghajini anyday, and twice on Sunday.
Ghajini

The first thing that strikes you is the unnecessary overdose of violence. The second is Aamir's inability to show maddened, hysterical rage. The third spot is shared by the two irritating leading ladies - Jiah leading Asin on that count, albeit by a narrow margin.

The movie drags on with multiple replays of flashback, and the diary reading routine - to put it mildly - is really really lame. Nowhere does the director bring out the pain and depth of the protagonist's 'condition' (the term used in Memento), and nowhere does Aamir's repertoire seem to be used. Well, ok, that's a bit too harsh, he excels in the lovey-dovey CEO flashback parts.

Asin's attempted chirpiness spills over into overacting - though that's stretching the term 'acting' by quite a bit. Jiah's character is soooo irritating that by intermission, one wishes the villain had bashed her head in, in fact, one would've gladly assisted him.

The final, and most irritating bit, is the uselessness of the title character - the villain. His 'short term memory-loss' dialogue is ridiculous and tsk-tsk-funny by the last half hour of the movie. And oh, did I mention that the second half is interminably drawn out? It's like watching an apple turn brown - fascinatingly boring.

Please do note that no comparison, nay, not even a mention of Memento must be made in the same breath as this junk.
Secret Window
Johnny shows his class in a forgettable script, with a valiantly vain attempt at infusing life into a fossil. The initial warming-up-to-the-character is so dreadfully dully prolonged that you can't fail to predict the so-called anti-climax.

The special effects seem out of place, only reinforcing that inner voice telling you to "shut off the friggin' TV RIGHT NOW!"; while the background score, well, fails to score even a single point - outta 50 even.

By the time the first murders happen, you have to wake yourself up to hope this movie is somehow rambling and meandering towards a kick-ass end. But alas, the ending scene leaves you wondering why all 96 minutes of it weren't better spent napping.

A one-starrer, if ever there was one!

Lime-A-Reek or Rhyme-A-Leak??!!

2009-01-01T03:28:00.000+05:30

VIJH VERBOSITY

***

Off to Sin City,

(After a long week shitty),

Towards grime n' gritty,

H ell, it's all in a ditty!

***

Whiling away, off the beaten track, Life - irony it surely doesn't lack...

So painful though it must be,

(Who am I kidding, I'm beside myself with glee!!)

Here's to inflicting illegible muck,

On unsuspecting readers, who don't give a fcuk!!

***

Springeth eternal, soaring seether,

Hope surreal - perennial tether....

***

More bunkum (also quoted elsewhere, may I add!)

Putting more of my hurriedly curried couplets in this post...

[New Year rhymes book-end this section of this post...]

***

Cherish memories old, etch new ones in bold,

Resolutions immutable, ambition to behold!

Starry eyed dreams, yours and mine,

Farewell 2008, Welcome to Thou's and Nine!!

***

A Stitch in Time, brings us to Two Thousand Nine!

Another night, another day,
Dawns anew, another morning blue (or foggy!),

Waking up groggy, (to oatmeal soggy?)

More of the same, or forge a different way?

As the clock ticks over, 2008 - thy end is nigh,

Whether herding along, or breaking away,

From the pack, the shack, or vagaries that weigh;

Doesn't the brand new year give a brand new high?

Hold aloft, the cup o' good cheer,

A little more warmth, a dollop more to share;

A Happy 2009 to everyone everywhere!

Let's create - a lot more smiles - right now, right here!

***

He may be being, but She undoubtedly is,

Simply as silly seeing, Miffing the Mystery Miss...

***

Washed ashore,

Like the tales of yore.....

Lore or snore?

A bloody banal bore !!

***

Begun another, spot o' bother? Awaiting further, Friday soother!

***

Dabral jibes: "Hopes against hope hopen..thou shalt not ramble in the open..."

Vijh retorts: "For thy flak I care tuppence... as long as attention I'm ropin' in..."

D fights back: "Vijju being an attention whore...cant see it working in fore"

V condescends: "Dabbu, unable to score, fields what he can, no more..."

***

Hope - thou art a lousy spring, screweth more than I'd care to ping...

The Rishi adds: And yet, anon, my heart doth ring, I wish, I pray, there might be joy in the morning

The Cynic responds: As likely as the crow would sing, a woodpecker ring and a non-red herring...

***

About Sticks and stones, make no bones,

Ghostly gnomes, sprout 'em like cones!!

***

Big Bad Boat a-la Tanker / Didn't see beyond the rancour / And so the *Tabar* sank Her..

***

Simpli-city booty-full
Village pillage-able
Implicated implacable?
Complicated mouthful...

***
Away She goes.../
Away She goes again.../
Blazing through the plane.../
(of my 2-d existence plain) //

And I just can't complain.../
Though this feelin' shall remain.../
Ignored, He'll go insane.../
Derail the vain thought train.....
***

Ogden told the truth,

Didn't know how apt it'd be,

Paining, enchaining, so was the tooth;

Satya Nash - circle viciousest thou sentest for me...
***
Under pander, what you ponder? Nicks conjure, how I wonder.../ Miffed quibbler, torn asunder; Cometh hither, vagrant wanderer...
***

Wondering, wandering; squandering sauntering; Vagabond-ering, red 'erring? Pandering pondering...

***
Rhyme-less, dime-less...; limerick mime-less, lemonade lime-less? (Is just ORS, slime-less!)
***

Irked Her (not the first time);

Atoning attempting, wipe the grime;

But pause a while, what of the crime?

Ippo apo-low-guys, thy fan forever, smite smile sublime...
***
_Aussie di taisi! Mishri-Bhajji lagi kaisi? Bologe jedi bhaasha, milegi wapas waisi!!_
***
_ATM swallows card kyun, Chicken crossed the road kyun, Ponting retires kyon nahi... / Main hoon itna sleepy kyun, Work hai itna bore kyun, Friday aata aur jaldi kyon nahi.../ Pocha hai??? Pocha nahi to jhadoo at least!!!_

***

Inflation - soar price, necessity - improvise;

Fighting - feline eyes, Purr-bah - and 'er pries;

Mock tantrum - crystallize,

Soundly finally - I zzzzz.....

***

_Woozy schmoozy banter, where shalt thee canter; Weary wares and snaky snares, awaiting Weekend Santa?_
***
_Sing a song of 2-pence, mouth full of bull;
Four and twenty consultANTS faked in the dull;
When the deliverable was opened, the crap began to stink;
Wasn't He a friggin' schmuck to take this client link..._

***
Twinkle, Finagle, Fickle Tsar;
How I wonder, what Hearts you Char?!

***

Harbinger of Hope, Beyond Moon-less dope, Grimy grouchy grope, Towards the Weekend elope!

***

Mondayne to fret, penning might beget, Another (lame) couplet, A fleeting egret...

***
_Pining, whining, forced rhymin'; Weekend sign-in, Wining and Dining? Laziness entwining..._

***

To an inevitable end come good things,

To what end does the Morrow?
Dragging, trailing, saggingly flailing,

Monotony - heartless, aren't thou?
***

Hope springeth eternal - smokeless crackers, _diyas_ perennial, an economy oil-less, and sweets _ghee_-less :D A dawn free, a bluer sky to see, a li'l more light, a lot more cheer, spread the warmth, Diwali's here!

***

_Light 'em up, fire away; Amaavasya heralds a brand new Day; To nears and dears, and far ones too; Here's wishing Happy Diwali to you!!_

***

Midweek streak, slows to a creak, Work's a reek, T minus 2 Days - and then out we freak!!!
***

License incense, suspense immense, offense defence, sense the Occlumens
***
Bad to Verse, Midweek Immerse; The Sinner Simmers, Cusses and Currs...
***
Will Tuesday be as Mondayne?
***
Sleep bereft, life's chaff sift, cliff or cleft, meandering adrift

***

Blame game's the same, frames name lame, claim the fame flame

***

Frolicking unfettered, Darting undetered, Yawning yearning, Bestially bestirred...
***

***
Busy Bee, Frafa ain't Free, Vexed he Vies, for Attention Ad infinitum !!

***
Foreign Facade, Brainy Brawn, Aflutter A-twitter, the Fan Fawns
OR
Foreign Facade, Brainy Brawn, Aflutter A-twitter, the Fronds Fawn

***

Miffed she may be, Copy I sure did, 'Twas my own, you see.. I'm poetically privileged!

***
Quo vadis, He reckons,
Perennial perfection pursuit,
The mucky marsh beckons

***

**
Autumn to Fall, / Winter to Spring, / The wait, the droll, / The eternal hope herring.

***
Frolicking unfettered/ darting undetered/ Yawning yearning/ Thor's day enters interred
***
Midweek crisis/ graphed oscillating/ (aka commodity prices?)/ unfettered frittering
***

***
Electrons through wires ensnare / Coursing in veins innervate / Thunder gyrate, quiver to dare / "I am Zeus" - said he, to expiate.

***
कहते हैं उम्मीद पर कायम है दुनिया
उल्फत का फ़साना है जिस से मुकम्मल
रहें हम, रहेगी उम्मीद, रहे कायनात ये कायम
दिल-ए-नादान तू कहीं और चल

***

Another day goes by, and so does another year,
Dreams dawn anew, cherish old memories dear,
Take a moment to reflect, and more to celebrate,
Here's wishing you a very Happy Two Thousand and Eight!!

***

Trundling with the spool of Time,
Concocting, brewing inscrutable rhyme,
Flanking flak not worth a dime,
Jives his own refrain in chime.
***

A Warm Clause in every Sentence
A Bright Star to Light your Way
With a cheery/cheesy 'Ho-Ho-Ho'
Von Wise (A)man sends ya Season's Greetings today!!
***

Mon-dayne
And so it dawns again,
With more than a li'l pain,
Prodding, plodding, pork down the lane,
Chanting the 'Damn Done Deign' refrain...
***

Fir-I-Day
Weekend ahoy !!
Navratra naan-veg restricted to Soy,
Plow no Ploy,
Gimme a lounger aka LazyBoy!!!

[Obviously, written on a Fridayyy!!]
***

Thor's Day
Pathetic elicits no Pathos,
Nine-pins fallin' in total Chaos,
Turn-Off, Face-Away,
This Game's not for You to Play!

[When India were routed by Australia - one of the many times.]
***

Sundae
Sift the chaff,
Rift from riff-raff,
Script another mish-mash,
Decrypt the kitsch dash.
***

Starved of sleep and swill,
Without Snore or Snack,
To Shore and Bore,
Scruff back to the Shack!
***

Another day is history,
And another to go,
Nothingness awaits,
Neverland beckons - a weary solo...
***

Friend to Foe,
Frond to Frag,
'Twixt the Twigs,
Solitarily Slag Sags.
****

Springeth eternal, rather, hepturnal,
A forlorn hope to soap the mope,
Weekend's round the bend,
Errands to end, writing to extend, 'gerunding' to contend!
****

Stepping towards the proverbial goldmine,
The quest for the quill is not questionable
The writer must not condemn it to quarantine,
The choice of its skill is not his but theirs & mine.
- Annaps
***

Upset as onsets the Monday,
Oversoon waned the weekend,
The scribbler inters the quill to lay,
Awaits a reader cognate to commend
***

Sunday evening, when the sun goes down, I wonder to myself, When'll Friday come around!?!
***

Eat well, sleep well... and Hell!! ...Think of nothing else !
***

Need indeed instead a steed,
Reed or weed whatever the creed,
Lead to feed but not the greed,
Freed to breed the deed of mead
***

And then we teed,
To Brit-land of Leed(s),
At times unseen, didn't heed,
The score galore, no hedge-wedge, wood or seed(s).
***

Shirk the work,
All murk and lurk,
Friday's here,
With a bump, screech and jerk!
***

Hiatus Hindered

2008-10-12T23:41:00.000+05:30

Man is a social animal, they say, and even if some of us claim otherwise, we do crave the attention of those we look up to. So here I go again, fishing for comments that I eventually will rubbish... But the point to be noted is - thou art part of that aforementioned Vlookups ;o)

So here I am... back with more ramblings... starting with another ego boost (it's always flattering to see one's name in print)...

Reference: Vijh Pulao [url: http://www.prabhamohan.com/blog/files/2f478170aebaeddbf5b7f6b6be48d5a5-34.html]

Point to be noted: I do NOT like to add bay leaves, and definitely not potatoes!
(If I wanted South Indian pulao - well...I'd rather not !! :D)

***

Uncovered another tangible reason for liking trains more than other modes -- the see-off. The feeling of being able to see the traveller begin the journey, and be a part of that kick-off... is a tad deeper than the customary hug-n'-handshake at the airport before being shooed off by the going person himself...

***

Episode V: GOA-ing GOA-ing GOAn!!

2008-07-21T01:05:00.000+05:30

PROLOGUE:
After more than, let's see -- 7 months (!!!) of starting to draft this concluding post for the Muddy Memoirs series, I've finally finished it... [Pause for applause]
So for bored readers who've lost track of the story, or have nothing better to do - quick access to recap... Muddy Memoirs - all episodes

Go-Ahh!
Finally! GOA! That indescribable feeling - soothing yet exhilarating - palpable in the salty-sweet breeze, the frothily cloudy sky, the distant roar of the choppy sea... (Mmm, the very thought of it more a year later is enough...[sigh!]) If we'd known what fun lay ahead, would've taken a moment and marked it for posterity....

So there we were, bag and 'baggage', seven of us shooting off in different directions to look for hotels/guest houses... Thinking lodgings to be dirt cheap in the off-season, we discovered to our dismay that dirty and cheap(-looking) they all definitely were - and bloody overpriced to top it all.

And then, like torchlight in a blackout, the hit pair Addy-Nottyzee burst forth with news of a 2BHK flat at a grab-it rate. And so we got a roof over our heads - plus TV, fridge, AC et al. And I got to ride a Kiney for the first time in my life...

For the uninitiated, Kiney - aka Kinetic Honda - was India's first 'posh' scooter - gearless to boot. With its characteristic 'purr' as opposed to the Bajaj Chetak's 'grrrrr', it made 2-wheelers cool, esp. for ladies and laddies...

Anyways [sic], once we'd showered and all (separately, unfortunately, no takers for showering together to save water...[sigh!]), most of the bums (and the rest of the lumps) refused to budge... it was only by lunch time that the sinner tummy (paapi pet) made us venture forth from our near-heavenly abode (4 gals and me... and oh, 2 side characters for muck yuck value...)

Lunch was an elaborate affair at a beach restaurant, with veggies scrounging for scraps of paneer, while the carnivores gorged on seafood... man, I love shrimp! There was some smelly stuff too, squids or some such crap, that I kept a safe one-arm distance from...

The sea being rough during Monsoons, we were frequently advised to stay at ankle-deep water level :o)
And so the rest of the evening breezed by, gallivanting on the Calangute beach, and then we trooped back for Phase II of Day 1... little did we know what lay ahead...
Well, the PoA was pubbing at Tito's, but Uncle Zeus had other schemes - after half a day of no waterfall, it poured like it hadn't for ages. And we were left holed up like rats in a cage... restless, edgy, jumpy...

Fortunately (or unfortunately, as it later turned out), we had Smokin' Joe's right around the corner. Plus, in Goa, booze is never more than the distance from cup to lip. So we were ready to partayy!

The festive atmosphere got to one (or two?) of us, and the rest as the cliché goes, is his story - in my words... Downing vodkas like a bunch of vitamins, the aforesaid protagonist put together stuff worthy of a tale to regale many a future generation. Displaying what can best be termed as a choreographed disposition of apparel, to the beats of the in-house music system - my blaring laptop, the artist did what he does best - make a fool of himself...

The item was soon continued by Linusaurus, to widespread applause and videographic evidence that can be dangerously life-altering.

The pizza dinner to follow was yucky-thoo though. No Smokin' and NO Joe's pizza ever again for me!

The next day dawned with the ominous grey of more rain... and we headed to some fort, Colvale I think... with lotsa photo-ops on the way... The fort now lies in ruins - but the splendour undiminished. Plus, the view and the breeze and the sound of the sea -- abso-friggin'-lutely awesome!!

Stopped on the way back at a cute Italian restaurant, had port and fell in love with it... I can see where Jeeves' joie-de-vivre comes from...
A nice point to mention Subhz (Sob-a-see in earlier episodes) being in such a happy place that she was fed Coke instead of wine... (by the brilliant me :D)

Headed back for dinner at Tito's, which was a tad less boisterous with everyone in a snappy mood for some vague reason... ruing that the weekend was over so soon... followed by a long trudge home... and an uneventful night...

The morning after saw half the gang leave to catch their flights - while we others had a late sleep-in... lazy brunch and pottering about the market... and then, just like that, it was time to go home...

[sigh] A terrific way to spend a couple of days, with promises of making this a yearly thing...

EPILOGUE: And guess what... that's the end of this Ruddy Rambling Reminiscence... a year to write roughly 20 pages, damn - I shoulda bin a writer, what say?!! :D

A-musing Search for a Muse

2008-02-10T18:32:00.000+05:30

Coughing my gut out, head pounding like the drums of yore (- without the symphony¹), I had to scratch my itch to type... as I thought of some stuff in my delirium, and well, had to inflict it upon you unsuspecting readers (if any)... So here goes...

Firstly, I looked up Benadryl (my drug of choice these days) on Wiki - and lo and behold! - the following appeared:

"...leads to profound drowsiness as a very common side-effect, along with the possibilities of motor impairment (ataxia ), dry mouth and throat, flushed skin, rapid or irregular heartbeat (tachycardia ), blurred vision at nearpoint owing to lack of accommodation (cycloplegia ), abnormal sensitivity to bright light (photophobia ), pupil dilation (mydriasis ), urinary retention (ischuria ), constipation, difficulty concentrating, short-term memory loss, visual disturbances, hallucinations, confusion, erectile dysfunction, and delirium."

Whoa! I think I'd rather hack my lungs out, what say?

[¹ Usage accredited to Annaps.]

***

On another note...
'Twas sickening to see the crap being dished out in Mumbai by MNS, led by Raj Thackeray... I guess he should be called (फ़ूट डालो, और) राज (करो) - ठोकरे!

By the way, he appeared the other day wearing a sleeveless sweater... and I just felt like asking - Who d'you think made that sweater, you poop-headed scumbag?!?!! I bet 100 to 1 that it probably originated in Ludhiana - that's where more than half of India's woollens come from y'know.

But jokes apart - the even more disgusting aspect was the footage of mediamen happily clicking away their shutters, while the 2-taka goons beat up cab drivers and travellers in local trains. Leave aside mediamen - NOone else tried to even question WTF were they doing... I guess that's why it's called a cold city.
(Wonder if the same thing could happen in Delhi...I think not.)

Anyway, everyone realises it's nothing but a lowly and pathetic political stunt... and so they say - you can take a Mumbaikar out of Mumbai but you can't take Mumbai out of him...

I'd like to see the day when the media, by itself - shuns this so-called 'leader' and blots him out of the public's conscious, the day when every Marathi/non-Marathi can say - 'Raj Thackeray who?' ... but alas, this sewage brand of politics seems here to stay...

***

On to cheerier outpourings... movie round-up.. been a while since I did that.

Taare Zameen Par
Undoubtedly one of the finest movies ever made, and I'd say the best Hindi movie I've ever seen. Each shot is meaningful, delightfully crafted....and kept me riveted throughout... and the kid is such a natural... with direction at a different level altogether!

Or maybe it's 'coz I was too senti... the first half I couldn't stop the tears... thankfully the second half was happier...

Also, just the info on dyslexia makes it a more watchable and relevant movie than any of the tinsel trash that Bollywood normally churns out... Aamir rocks!

Lastly, fyi - IIM A recently held a workshop on dyslexia. Also, Maharashtra state board gives special consideration to dyslexic students - so far the only concrete measure taken to help kids at an early age... hopefully this movie will move things along the same way...

My verdict: 5/5
Halla Bol
The concept was good - that of street theatre activism - to enlighten the (non-paying) public, but I think they lost the plot somewhere with the opening credits. Pankaj Kapoor was the only saving grace, and there was just one scene I liked overall. It's at the Gurudwara - where with a renewed conscience Sameer (Ajay Devgan) meets Siddhu (Pankaj Kapoor) after their heated parting of ways earlier. In that 2 minute scene, all they talk about is how the Gurudwara has changed - and a unstated apology is accepted implicitly.

Overall, the subject could've come out so much more non-hackneyed... eventually making the movie barely watchable.

My verdict: 2/5 (Both for Pankaj Kapoor)
Sunday
Epitomises how a nonsense movie can be made out of seemingly thin air... and an even thinner story.
The funny parts made it worthwhile though, but again, just barely.

My verdict: 2/5 (One for Arshad Warsi, and one for Irfan Khan)
War Of The Worlds
Directed by Spielberg, starring Tom Cruise, this was one sci-fi movie I wanted to watch for so long and finally caught on Star Movies. Cruise plays a role completely uncharacteristic of his brash, self-assured, uber-confident bordering on arrogance image built up over MI/Top Gun/Color of Money -type movies.

A divorced father, with 2 kids who have no respect for him, Ray (Cruise) gets caught in the middle of an alien invasion of Earth - with survival and protection of his children being his only thought. The aliens armed with superior technology machines are hell-bent on annihilating Man, but eventually fall prey to Earthly disease - deus ex machina at its best!

The H.G. Wells novel that the movie was based on must've been supremely more impactful in that time and age. No less than 4 film adaptations of the novel have come out... and this one was the most successful... even though I couldn't see what the big deal about it was.

Anyway, reading up on wiki I found that the novel did raise serious issues - Asimov (The God of Sci-Fi) correlating the idea of Martians exploiting Man to Whites enslaving Coloured people. Another gross aspect was the Martians using human blood as food - which spurred the linkage to the Darwinian logic of survival of the fittest - and subsequently - vegetarianism. To put it simply, if we eat some of the 'lesser' species of animals (without remorse) - would it be too far-fetched a possibility that for a more evolved 'animal' than us - Man could be just a lower rung on the food chain?!??

Leaving the deep thinking aside - the movie in itself had nice sfx, good performances, nice snappy dialogues... etc. All in all, not bad.

My verdict: 3/5
Born On The Fourth Of July
Another atypical Tom Cruise role, based on the autobiography of Ron Kovic - a Vietnam veteran. Cruise plays Kovic, paralysed from the waist down after war injuries. Returns home to find not many care about the "War on Communism" anymore. Haunted by his own mistakes in the war, he struggles to make sense of life, becomes disillusioned, resentful and eventually finds meaning in anti-war demonstrations.

Wonderful movie, one of those gems that get missed for no fault of theirs. It's a 1989 movie by the way, that I caught on HBO. Thoroughly moving. Brilliant stuff from Tom Cruise.

My verdict: 3¹/₂

That's all for now... will be back with more soon I hope.

***

Lately, I've been feeling that life's just passing me by... y'know... kinda like where the protagonist is standing still in the middle of an intersection and the traffic/people/seasons - just that oft-used image in movies - blur past him... (sigh... man I'm vain..) Somewhat like this grey stick figure superimposed...

So I thought about it, slept over it (and "'twas the best nap ever!")... and reached the conclusion (staring at me in the face all this while) that all I need to do is get off my lazy gargantuan bum... and do stuff. The gentle reader shall undoubtedly ask for elaboration on this 'stuff' business, and rightly so. Well, it can be listed as under (in no particular order):

Live up to my vagabond-ish character and go for a short trek/safari or somethin'... any other suggestions, people?
Exercise and jog / Join a gym
Write stuff (this is getting recursive, damn these vicious circles!)
Do some fabric painting (yeah, I am a Jack of sorts)
Do at least 2 of the above before this month-end (oops, it's Feb., shoulda chosen a longer one!)

Lessee how it goes... and I don't believe in superstitious junk, so would you be kind enuff to cross yer fingers for me? :D

***

Muddy Memoirs Episode IV: Get Wet Go !!

2007-12-25T22:08:00.000+05:30

Back from an unintentionally long hiatus (attributed to my famed active lifestyle), we seek the twist in the story thread - where it gets somewhat more interesting... (No Rajjo, thy wedding was also the fun-est time for us!!)

[Flashback :: 28 June 2007 :: Late Evening]

So fed-up in Bombay,
We were finally on our way,
To the land of Sun and Sand,
(The dream of Bikini Babes - unManned?!!)

With that aside, let's get back on track - our Bombay-Goa Bus... I always imagined if we ever took that trip we'd be singing 'Bombay-Goa... Bom-Bombay-Goaaa' (or screaming 'Raaajesh..... Khannaaa'... eh, Linus?!!) ... but.. didn't 'appen.. :o(

Ah well, we had the whole night to ourselves. And so did the weather gods. Halfway through the night, it started to rain. Again. And how! Suffice to say that it poured like the Indian Monsoon at its watery heights does.

With the waterworks on outside, inside the bus the AC was free-eezing!! And the bus driver conveniently refused to turn it off - as the windshield would get fogged up otherwise (while we got re-frigerated...) Needless to say, at the next rest stop (that wasn't a minute too soon) we all ran out in the rain to attend urgent Nature Calls (outgoing). A nice juncture to mention one o' my worldly wise lines - "When Nature calls, you'd better answer!" I sure did, and what's more, I did all the talkin' ... if ya know what I mean ;o)

With a midnight snack of chocolates and junk (better than Kurkure at 6 am, no Annaps? :D), snuggled in bus blankets, and condensation con-descending, the chatter faded gently into whispers... till all one could hear were random people's snores (a sorta welcome relief after their belches!)... and the pattering rain lulled me into blissful sleep... after my 48 hour wake-a-thon...

We woke up to an islanded highway under a cloudy sky. The Bombay-Goa highway was shut off later that day... luckily we were through. Landed in Goa by 10 am. Damp and droopy - still ready to dive in! Yippeeee!!

But as you probably know by now, I don't like giving it all away in uno episodo... sooooo... watch this space for more Muddy Memoirs...

---==To be continued==---

Lame-A-Reek

2007-11-18T20:46:00.000+05:30

A collection of most of my hurriedly curried couplets...just wanted to put 'em all in one place... and will probably keep adding more to this post itself..

This one sets the tone, I modestly admit:

Trundling with the spool of Time,
Concocting, brewing inscrutable rhyme,
Flanking flak not worth a dime,
Jives his own refrain in chime.
***

A Warm Clause in every Sentence
A Bright Star to Light your Way
With a cheery/cheesy 'Ho-Ho-Ho'
Von Wise (A)man sends ya Season's Greetings today!!
***

Mon-dayne
And so it dawns again,
With more than a li'l pain,
Prodding, plodding, pork down the lane,
Chanting the 'Damn Done Deign' refrain...
***

Fir-I-Day
Weekend ahoy !!
Navratra naan-veg restricted to Soy,
Plow no Ploy,
Gimme a lounger aka LazyBoy!!!

[Obviously, written on a Fridayyy!!]
***

Thor's Day
Pathetic elicits no Pathos,
Nine-pins fallin' in total Chaos,
Turn-Off, Face-Away,
This Game's not for You to Play!

[When India were routed by Australia - one of the many times.]
***

Sundae
Sift the chaff,
Rift from riff-raff,
Script another mish-mash,
Decrypt the kitsch dash.
***

Starved of sleep and swill,
Without Snore or Snack,
To Shore and Bore,
Scruff back to the Shack!
***

Another day is history,
And another to go,
Nothingness awaits,
Neverland beckons - a weary solo...
***

Friend to Foe,
Frond to Frag,
'Twixt the Twigs,
Solitarily Slag Sags.
****

Springeth eternal, rather, hepturnal,
A forlorn hope to soap the mope,
Weekend's round the bend,
Errands to end, writing to extend, 'gerunding' to contend!
****

Stepping towards the proverbial goldmine,
The quest for the quill is not questionable
The writer must not condemn it to quarantine,
The choice of its skill is not his but theirs & mine.
- Annaps
***

Upset as onsets the Monday,
Oversoon waned the weekend,
The scribbler inters the quill to lay,
Awaits a reader cognate to commend
***

Sunday evening, when the sun goes down, I wonder to myself, When'll Friday come around!?!
***

Eat well, sleep well... and Hell!! ...Think of nothing else !
***

Need indeed instead a steed,
Reed or weed whatever the creed,
Lead to feed but not the greed,
Freed to breed the deed of mead
***

And then we teed,
To Brit-land of Leed(s),
At times unseen, didn't heed,
The score galore, no hedge-wedge, wood or seed(s).
***

Shirk the work,
All murk and lurk,
Friday's here,
With a bump, screech and jerk!
***

Interview With A Wham! Hire!

2007-11-16T23:00:00.000+05:30

Vacuous Wanderings in a Jittery Jam - awaiting an audition with The Ass-ociate Director

It started as it always does - hands freezing/shaking, however accompanied by an unshakeably calm visage broken from time to time only to let slip the toothy smile that has been perfected over the ages. (Interruption was by the earlier interviewer popping in to check on me -- as if I was running away, or more realistically, stealing office supplies from a bare room.)
***

Watching the traffic (waiting in an noisily silent conference room - an abstraction that is in miniscule supply and overwhelming demand at my organisation [read: organic dump]) snaking perennially down MG Road, I whiled away my time penning down penne-shaped squiggles.

Talking of oxymoronic stuff - don't you just love the eardrum-ringing quietness as the office AC shuts down? I, for one, detest the AC's incessant hum, seemingly pervading every pore of me head - tending towards resonance like a chicken skull at 7 Hz. (For the uninitiated - that's the resonant frequency of a chick's head - i.e., a wave at 7 Hz kills the poor thing.)
***

On another note - I think picking the title is half the battle. (So do 2 good taglines mean my work here is done?!) In fact, I'm quite unable to start 'writing' until I pick that perfect headline - even though I have changed/tweaked/rehashed/dumped titles even after corking my whole mucky outpouring.
***

All in all, a speedy process (therefore the title) - shot the cv (Annaps rules!), got the call...
Round 1 - clear!
Round 2 - Wise-Ass-ociate Dingbat toys around for an hour - but eventually the bell saves ya...
Round 3 - When an interviewer (who happens to be a flamboyant Director/Partner/Some-Big-Shot at 33) gives ya career counselling, you get this uneasily disturbing feeling - that there's either something seriously wrong with you, ... or him (the easy option!).

Also, when he refers to your current work as good stuff (in not so many words, but more), you have to concentrate every ounce of energy to restrain the irresistible urge to throttle him and scream - DO YA KNOW WHAT THE FU** I DO ALL DAY??!!!

(Did someone say "Down Boy!" ??!!)

Anyway, 3 rounds and lots of writing/scribbling/typing later, the 'Key Learnings' may be summed up as follows:

Good opportunity to wear tie-shy - don't let it go by!
Keep a straight face, unless you're congenitally prevented from doing so.
Know what you want - or pretend well that you do!
Waiting time is better spent not doing what I do.
Last, but not the clichéd least, be yourself (well, who else could you be - Muhammad Ali?!)

***

Episode III: The Damp D Day: Part 2 (of 2)

2007-11-16T20:01:00.000+05:30

So where were we? Ah yes, poised expectantly at the edge of our seats wondering what happened next...

Well, here I drone on again... the bride went through the undeniably exciting series of pujas, accompanied by an overwhelming necessity of parading her newly acquired sari wardrobe, while the dearest friends stood/sat/walked around looking benignly sappy at the Gang's first wicket down in the marriage market. Meanwhile, other people from the outer circle popped up (needless to say, those characters are about as interesting as watching shadows lengthen in the setting sun), photo-ops presented themselves in due course of time... and the rain pattered down intermittently...

As the fidgety readers begin to increase the volume of the 'Get on with it!!' talk and other miscellaneous snide remarks, the author seeks to reassure that this repainting of the picture is necessary. It is to give the impartial observer a perspective of how unsettling it was amidst the festivities to get a call from the depression-inducing workplace.

(A quick analogy: It was somewhat like the TV going kaput with Sachin batting at 96 -- though nowadays the curiosity aspect is limited to how many he falls short of 100 this time!)

And so, your Pugnacious Protagonist was hacked playing hooky (not our national game, but mine) -- but undettered, he waded his way through Mucky Mumbai to slave all day for pathbreaking work in his cyber-fiefdom.
(Didja fall for that last bit?!! :D)

Digression:

So, starved of sleep and swill -- without snore or snack,
Head explosive (as a Crumpled-Horned Snorkack),
Ruefully removed from the revelry,
My sans-Sun day trudged along in the drudgery.

With a droopy eye on the clock,
Pounding head rocked the Jock,
Emerged unscathed I did,
(Talk of emotional scars I hereby forbid.)

[Digression ends. Prose and cons follow.]

And then the sun set, the stars blipped on in the organised chaos of the Universe, and still our Hard-done-by Hero haggered on... till eventually he ordained that E-nough(t) was enough... and grunting a 'Pack Up!!' à la an irksome Tarantula/Tarantino at a weary shoot, he staggered an exit (stage left)...

With a packet of misnomered 'Good Day' biz-cuds as nourishment, the Irrepressible In-Dally-Gent found his way to the next stop on the agenda, that was actually a Bus Depot... And the fascinating fact that the Weary Vagrant Whiz was the One on Time needs a bit o' harping upon, so people, take a moment to let that sink in (and polite applause - Wimbledon ishtyle, won't hurt, really).

While the Racuous Revellers from Raqula's Reception were running re-heeallly late, the alliterative author ran around conjuring up dinner for the bozos. And then finally, we were offfffff !!!! There is a deeply satisfying excitement provided by embarking towards unforeseen lands, and that too with one's closest friends, and it is to be experienced to know what I'm blabbering about...
(There was also a lingering guilt with feeling that the trip had finally begun -- but well, Sweeto's sealed unattainability could hardly count as footloose-time, y'know...)

Anyway, Goa, here we come!!

---==To be continued==---
[Muaaahahahaahaa... I love leaving things unfinished!!]

Enter-Mental-Taint-Meant

2007-09-03T05:07:00.000+05:30

"No expectations, no disappointments" -- a friend of mine used to say. But whaddya do when you have below zero expectations and the outcome tends towards minus infinity?!!
3 options:
1. You shut up, refuse to talk about it and try to obliterate the experience from your mind.
2. You fake an unperturbably calm demeanour and pretend whatever happened wasn't that bad.
3. You while away precious vella time in making up some gibberish around that muck... and make others read it.

So what'd I do -- care to venture a wild guess, anyone?

Anyway, what I'm talking about is the abysmally bad RGV ki Aag, the painfullest movie (stretching the term, but whatever) in the history of time itself. One feels at a complete loss as to where to begin talking about that load of poop that RGV labeled his own. A sole thought burnished upon my memory of that unfortunate occurence -- Did they EVER, ever watch the damn thing themselves once it was 'done' (so to speak).

To call it horrifying would be the understatement of the millenium. Therefore, deriding the weird camerawork, the jarring background score, the unmentionably agonising songs (Mehbooba included), overstuffed Mr. MohanLal, gross Big B, and the feeble attempts at fight sequences; I shall move on to cheerier reviews. (Yes, the rest of the stuff -- the 'actors' included, do not deserve even a passing mention -- oops!)

So I sought to salvage the day from the metaphorical Mariana Trench it had sunk into. One notable attempt was by watching Nightmare on Elm Street. I admit it was the cute chick that first drew me to it (plus she was 80s retro-outfitted..*sigh*) and the cast included Johny Depp too!! (Pray, do not read too much into the '!!'.)

Anyway, Yours Truly was to discover the forging of the genre 'teen slasher/horror' with this film. Obviously made on an almost pauperish budget, this movie seemed so much better than the current version of college-kiddy kill crap that haunts (pardon the pun) cinemas these days. The video-gamish accompanying music, especially at 'is-he-round-the-corner' times was effective, so much so that it's termed as a classic (by myself, armed with wiki ;o)).

The plot, without the spoilers, is simple enough -- the fair chick (who else) is haunted by the killer (who else!) in (hold yer breath) her dreams.... and as the rest of her friends/classmates start getting gored into oblivion, she's on her own facing the macabre murderous monster. As an aside, it is to be mentioned that Johny Depp was one of the kids, showing none of the Piratey signs back then.

Overall, reason dictates it to be a zillion times more watchable than That-One-Should-Not-Be-Reminded-Of, but well, it gets a 2 & 1/2 outta 5 on my scorecard.

In my zealous quest for upliftment from the aforementioned nadir, I also happened to watch Jack Nicholson and Michelle Pfeiffer studded Wolf, another of those thriller pictures that fizzles out without a spark. Pfeiffer though, looks less albinoesque than usual, while Nicholson is at his frowny fangy nascence (considering it's a 15-year old movie).

What made me not turn off the tv (insomnia apart) was the appearance of Om Puri in a small part -- as an Indian doctor... and then I kinda sat through the whole thing, even though he appeared for only 8-10 mins. And thence, seized by a sudden inspiration, your lovable author made his wikipedia debut, adding his signature style to the existing wiki page --> Click to critique. Not all of it is mine, but yes, a major part is.

Anyway, to nullify any after effects of any damn thing, I could just watch The Simpsons Movie again... Awesomely funny and oh-so-pacy! The slightly too-graphic nature of the cartoon is a bit, how shall I put it, disconcerting at first (for a person of my sensitivities), but then, all cartoons are not for kids...some are for ME!!

Movin' Rash

Tinsel trash,
Flash and dash,
A bit of sash, cash,
And romantic panache,
Or stud action brash,
A lotta mish-mash,
Like a whiplash,
Gory gash.

If that makes sense to you, good!! If it doesn't, even better!
***

The Damp D Day: Muddy Memoirs Episode II

2007-09-03T04:49:00.000+05:30

For starters, the previous disclaimer still stands.
We begin where we left, which was pretty much at the very beginning.... :D (I'm allowed to repeat my own lines, ain't I?!!)

The groggy gang got up....and amidst a furore of stuff-we-do-in-the-morning, one lasting impression surges forth...
*dreamy-eyed sigh*
After what seemed an eternity of distance-induced drought, PDA (public display of affection) was bestowed upon Thine Truly by two of the Celebratedly Calibrated Kai-lash Killers... introducing.... the Sweltering Sob-a-See (pun unintended) and the One-And-Only... Princess PuMila (intended to reflect her inexplicable obsession with poo-talk)... anyway, those were golden moments that one could delve into the depths of... but shall refrain.

Meanwhile... in the near vicinity, the starlet Raqula's Right-Hand Woman, (Hi)-eye-lashes (batting at 101*) ...give it up forrrrrr... HerZoo.... emerged... resplendent in a green sari like a gust of sandal-scented breeze, before any of the rest-of-the-world had so much as gotten rid of morning breath. Herzoo, by the way, is famed for turning the world into a menagerie of I-forget-what things... for a simple sample... visit 'Ramblings of a Blissfully Void Soul'.

This brings us to the long and short of it... i.e., viz., the belated entry of the hit couple Addy the Baddy** the GranDaddy -- yes, the very same shades-of-grey guy (he's just turned 29 or thereabouts) that our regular reader is well-acquainted with, and Natty Nutty Nottyzee -- setting hearts aflutter (and autowallas and waiters -- aquiver, a-shiver!)

** For an account of the Baddy in action, refer to the Brooders Grinn production -- the Jhaapad series - Episode II

That an Iyer wedding is an elaborate affair -- is like saying the Universe is kinda big.... so we'll talk of things on the side, that the observant ignoramus (oxymoron) happens to find worthy of mention. So one after the other, the ladies became swoon-material, while the bozos tried their best to appear less-themselves. The weather did its bit too -- adding deep bass to the unusually high treble of the background scorers, who carried on with aplomb.

The ceremony itself proceeded with the efficiency of a well-oiled German machine, while the sundry guests made their way in, out and about at their convenience. We made our way to chomp on a regular Southie breakfast, where the author unsuccessfully tried to fit in... with an attempt to eat gooey sambhar-rice with bare hands eliciting guffaws all around. (I would, however, like to mention that he did forgo a second helping of ghee-laden suji halwa though, a commendable dish -- and an even more laudable action, under the circumstances.)

Time to show face in the Great Hall. Noble intentions notwithstanding, one fails to develop a lasting interest in the whole jing-bang, and quickly arrives at the conclusion that the object of one's attention was kinda distracted (on second thought, expectedly so -- it was HER own wedding after all). A corollary ensues -- that one's absence would not be sorely missed. The said 'one' immediately downs half a dozen glasses (small) of something that resembled orange squash most closely... and makes way with Andra A-Lassie towards the exit, for a short walk around the happening place.

The proposed short walk had the clichéd screwdriver thrown into the mechanism... with water spouts opening up in the sky with a severity that can only be termed 'discomfiting'. We eventually made our way back, assuredly 'punished' for our absence without sanctioned leave. It is a quirk of whatcha-ma-call-it that things only go from bad to worse, never the other way round...

But that story will see the light of your eyes if the author lives to fight another day... cutting out the drama, I mean -- I kinda gotta sleep y'know... *yaaawn*

---==To be continued==---

GoGo GaGa Goaaa

2007-08-23T19:41:00.000+05:30

********************************************Disclaimer****************************************************
Any resemblance to any person(s) is entirely intentional and incidental.
***********************************************************************************************************

It all begins, as most stories do, on a reasonably quiet Summer mornin', well, as quiet as a humidly stinky noisy polluted stiflingly overstuffed Bombay can be....

In fact, it wasn't really a beginning, more like a milestone of sorts, that the refreshingly cute love story had reached. Introducing the two parties (yes, there were only two) involved:
#1. An obsessively compulsive freak of nature we shall refer to as........ Raqula (pun intended),
#2. And known to most only in a mellow sorta demeanour.... give it up forrrr... Durree (Hindi: दरी, pronounced as 'duh-ree'), as the lad shall be rug-gedly treated post-milestone.

Yours Truly arrived at the scene of festivities a bit late (and no, it is NOT that obvious), but that, as they say, is another festering sore that we shall poke at later........... ah, what the heck, let's give the non-paying public a run for the close-window button.

Digression-I:
In short (and in formals), your Prodigious Protagonist puckered his way through a grinding (who am I kidding here, scratch the grinding bit...) workday -- looking forward to a quite evening soaring towards best friends..... But ("There's always a but[t]!") thwarted in his noble endeavour - by the inscrutable fandangles of Fate... the flying machine was friggin' late.
(Ah, that rhymes!)

To top that, seating space at Delhi Airport these days is tougher to find than a lover's point on Juhu beach... so standing, leaning, propping himself up and eventually proffering the finally gotten cherished bum-parking space to senior citizens, aunties and PYTs (in no particular order), he whiled away his solitary wait.....

Digression-I ends. Jump cut to the sleep and food-deprived, but effervescence intact author. With sleepy greetings from the members in attendance, and a short tête-à-tête with the gorgeously attired Andra A-Lassie, one retires with the unrecognisably paltry-haired but well-rounded Lineosaurus to the Main Hall to try to catch some shut-eye.

And the wedding day dawns (wiping off all hopes of getting even a wink or two) with the ceremonial cacophony...oops, I mean the ceremonial background music...grotesquely amplified by the echoing hall.

---==To be concluded==---

70 mm of Tinsel Trash and More

2007-08-14T02:23:00.000+05:30

Awrighty then... better late than never -- time for a 'holistic overview' of the movie scene pervading our environs as ever. Haven't seen Chak De! yet but am definitely gonna!

But did manage to catch Rush Hour 3, a gaffe-filled timepass with that (no offence meant -->) monochrome giraffe Chris Tucker and that monkey of a guy Jackie Chan... Story's inane, screenplay patchy, fight sequences quite arbit, and the characters forced in like the paper stuffing in a new shoe, (for instance, the knifing Oriental-featured lady - PC version of the very Indian term 'Chinky', and the French cabbie). But still, it kept one laughing throughout, the jokes and one-liners refreshingly un-suave and un-crass at the same time. And the bloopers at the ending credits were ultra-LOL material as usual.

The 80-odd minute thingumajig seemed more like an action-sitcom blown up to 70 mm, than a whaddyacall fillum. At this rate I think they can and should make it into a tv series... and spare the movie-going audience having to dish out a 175 bucks (!!) for an hour and a half of the well-rehashed Wayward Cop--UberPerfect Cop partner routine.

Previously, on an unpublished episode of Tinsel Trash, (unpublished as the author failed to emerge from the dementia-enhanced stupor induced by..... read on...), Yours Truly encountered the misnomered comedy Partner. On-screen 'partnership' between the two guys was non-existent, rather they looked like wanting to run off the screen whenever caught in the same shit...oops.. I mean shot.

'Laugh riot' my a * *, 'twas third class to say the least, with pathetic dialogue (the overdose of forced rhyme makes one wanna hurl, and hurl sharp pointy objects at the screen), ridiculously low attention to detail (like when Salman doesn't even know Lara's name but in the previous scene has somehow couriered stuff to her office desk by name!), the inexplicable 'thought' (if one can call it that!) behind having the character 'Chhota Don' (Rajpal Yadav, who, by the way, seems to make a living out of getting beaten black 'n blue on screen in all his movies.)... in short, it's not a movie, it's a mistake gone even worse...

The Producer/Director could've done the money-paying public a biiiiig favour by just sticking to making a good copy, but nooo... they had to add their 'local' Bollywood touch didn't they - and how! The kissing scene - so cutely done in Hitch - is imitated so painfully badly that it looks cheap and yucky-thoo.

And I could waste more cyberprint here, but shall refrain. (This may be attributed to my keen attunement to the reader's psyche, or the unbelievably far-fetched possibility -- my energy-conserving nature -- euphemism for lay-jee-ness!!)

And then there was Fiendish Friendship Day, and in the midst of getting colourful rubber bands (as part of our attempt to turn back the clock to when we were 12), I watched Cash with a coupla friends. And to my unforeseeably complete surprise, I came out of the theatre not having found it a complete waste of time. Yeah sure, the animation sequences get to you within 5 minutes of the beginning, and the less said about the songs (e.g. 'You're my Mindblowing Mahiya') the better....but the comedy scenes are actually funnier than the whole of Partner (and more)... and the action stuff was well... above average (just a tad)... and that's saying a lot. :D

Enuff junk to have kept ya till here, eh?

Next up - The Transformers (Spielberg!) and The Blue Umbrella, hopefully.

Parting shot:

Weekend Ahoy!!

Springeth eternal, rather, hepturnal,
A forlorn hope to soap the mope,
Weekend's round the bend,
Errands to end, writing to extend, 'gerunding' to contend!

***

Hurray Puttar .....and the Deafeningly loud Hype-n'-Lows

2007-08-04T19:28:00.000+05:30

So, it was finally out... the most awaited, over-hyped, (overpriced? -- With the marked price tumbling like ninepins...), total Bollywood-ishtyle masala item of the year... Make no mish-mash-take, I'm an avid Pottermaniac...(especially since a friend made a fleeting comparison of ME with Havvy Pottah!!)

So seemingly oblivious to the fever around, I did some revision by reading the fifth book - OOTP, then watching the movie the next day, then playing the OOTP game after the movie, and then reading the sixth book HBP -- rounding it up on the weekend with the fake seventh book and then finally the oh-so-regional Deathly Hallows - downloading the pirated ebook from the 'net (Hurrah for Free Stuff!!).

By thee way, turns out the whole book was photographed and leaked... and then transcribed ...and if they'd only outsourced it to India -- BackOffice of the World -- the pirated version wouldabin out in half an hour... just think about it... 60 chaps typing 10 pages each -- and lo and behold! The 600-odd page book is written, bound and gift-wrapped ... you do the math!

But I seem to be making a habit of digressing... so back to the theme ishtory... Hari Puttar faces his demons -- and comes out on top... but not before, and after....five hundred crore questions were left unanswered.... so I decided to come up with an FAQ sorta list... thanks to a wonderfully observant friend who I shall refer to as Lady in Teal who made me pore over the book again and again.... and again... so much so that now I'm re-reading all books from cover to cover. (Things I do to impress people!)

Here goes nothin'...

There are a lot of loose ends that need tying up. Like what happened to the Ministry of Magic, especially Umbridge, what happened about the Elf, Centaur, Goblin laws? Did these guys have to finish school? What about Fawkes? What do these guys grow up to become? Who is the new Headmaster of Hogwarts, what happens to Luna Lovegood?

Voilà! Ask and thou shalt receiveth!! All ye loose ends, Entanglio!!

Kingsley becomes permanent Minister for Magic and reforms the Ministry after Voldemort's fall.
Harry heads up the new Auror department for Kingsley.
Hermione reforms house elf regulations before switching to Magical Law and getting rid of pro-pure-blood legislation.
Ron joins George in Weasleys' Wizarding Wheezes.
Ginny plays for the Holyhead Harpies, before retiring to start a family and become senior Quidditch correspondent at the Daily Prophet.
Luna becomes a magical naturalist and marries Rolf Scamander, the grandson of Newt.
The Malfoys weaseled out of punishment because they helped Harry at the end.
The dementors caused Dudley to see himself as he really was.
The Hufflepuff common room is a cosy cellar near the kitchens, with tunnels and round doors for the domitories.
No-one does magic late in life - JK changed her mind after PoA.
Snape is a flawed hero, somewhat cruel and bullying, but ultimately laying down his life for loyalty to what he loved.
Umbridge was arrested and imprisoned for crimes against muggleborns.
Quirrell had taught Muggle Studies before switching to DADA.
Firenze was allowed back into his herd, when they were forced to acknowledge that he acted honourably.

All the aforementioned stuff is from JK - answering questions from readers on a live chat...

She also mentioned in one of her interviews that she 'wanted to leave a few loose ends' (-- to keep herself in demand, I'm guessing!) Also, that she didn't pair up Luna and Neville as it'd have been 'too neat' an ending (and that's a problem because?!?!!)

Still, lotsa stuff unanswered... and I got my imagination working undertime (that's a phrase I like to use when I don't really need to strain my mind to come up with clever stuff...) and therefore, here goes nothin':

- I guess Fawkes woulda gone to Hagrid (dunno what happened to Fang though -- not explicitly mentioned in the book whether he was wounded or worse.... and I love that dog!!)... and woulda visited Harry whenever needed...

- Hmm, Headmaster of Hogwarts -- now that's a toughie -- McGonagall seems the obvious choice ... but after her 'superannuation' I think I'll stick my neck out and go for.... none other than....Professor Flitwick!!

- I wonder what happened to Grawp though.... maybe he found a new vocation as a Keeper of the Deadlier Creatures in the Forbidden Forest -- like a Squisher of Giant Spiders or somethin'!! :D

What happens to Kreacher.

- I suppose he wouldn't stay with Hermione... she'd have killed him with her niceties...
Maybe he's been nanny-ing the 3 Wiz(ard)-kids while Harry's been Auror-ing and Ginny Quid-ditching (pun unintended)
Or he could've found solace with Aberforth... slightly loners they both've been... and Hog's Head would need a hell lotta cleaning up... :o)
And he was fighting at Hogwarts at the end... so maybe he stayed on with the other elves.

Why mention the Unspeakables, the Death Curtain, the Love room when nothing happened there.

Well, JK likes to keep certain stuff restricted to one book... but make people feel she'll have more of it in the next..... red Peking Duck they call it no??

Maybe Dennis Creevey grows up to be an Unspeakable... The-Boy-Who-Couldn't-Keep-His-Mouth-Shut (around Harry)

And the Death Curtain was simply that... curtained no! Na..seriously, I thought when they go to the Ministry in the beginning of the book... they'd talk a bit with Sirius or Lovegood Aunty there...

Are Rose and Hugo names of Hermione's parents?

Lots of discussion on this all over the 'net... notably the first letters they kept the same as theirs - Ron and Hermione - and there's been talk that Hugo is because of Victor Hugo - a play on Viktor ..... and Ron would obviously have been too dumb to get the secret meaning ;o)

I don't think they're Her-my-knees' parents' names though.... must be confusing/funny for kids to have same names as their Grandpas and Grannies, what say Annaps?!? :D :D

Anyway...Harry already did that with his kids... so am guessing there's bound to be some other story....
Rose goes well with Lily, by thee way... and before my imagination runs wild... I give up... :D

13. About getting rid of the Horcruxes: Harry got rid of the diary, Ron the locket, Hermione the cup, Dumbledore the ring, Neville Nagini, Crabbe Ravenclaw's Diadem, and Voldemort himself.
Everything makes sense, except Crabbe's role. Why him?
Everyone else either played a big part in hunting down the Horcruxes or were victims of Voldemort's
evildoings, and that explains in a way why Voldemort plays a part in his own downfall, but why Crabbe?

I thought of this too...could it be the luck factor?.. I mean they do need a bit of luck at the end...
Or 'coz she had to kill at least one of the sidey Malfoy cronies... so let him do suiciding?

And more importantly, I think we needed a new thing to destroy the Horcrux -- FiendFyre ... Basilisk Venom from the Sword and Fangs were getting too boring ...but of course the scene coulda been slightly better no?

Maybe Fawkes coulda generated the FiendFyre? -- In which he himself burns and then rises again... I don't like no mention of Fawkes only :o(
Or maybe Lupin/Bill with magical/cursed werewolf bites coulda helped? ;o) :D

What if Arthur uncle could use a Muggle artifact (another thing considered too-lowly-to-be-even-noticed by Voldemort) ... to destroy Horcrux... like a mundane-to-us item (but "Whoa! Muggle Magic!" to him)... ummm...like ... like a CELLPHONE - carcinogenic rays?!!! :D :D

Ok...I guess I got carried away... :D

Ron faking Parseltongue was a bit too much don't you think? Like it

could be that easy.

Well.... being somewhat of a mimic myself... :D I should think a hisss-hiss here and a His 'n Hers there woulda done the trick... :D
But yes, seriously, it was kinda lame.....Hermy and Ronny coulda been dancing to "It's the time to Hiss-co and Khisko" down there for all we know.....

The whole King's Cross thingy is so confusing... is that baby-creature Voldemort's soul?
And how does Harry survive despite the soul dying? And if he was alive the same logic should apply when Voldemort dies in the end... he shares Harry's blood.

Yes, the baby-creature at King's Cross is Volde's soul - beyond help, irreparable - Harry tells him later at the last duel no - "...I've seen what you'll be otherwise..." That however, gives rise to a new thought... since that foetus-thingy was also at King's Cross -- would Voldorf * too have seen/heard the same things in his head that Harry did? Considering they were both knocked out in the Forest...

Also because of Harry's blood – Tommy couldn't kill him till he was alive, i.e., both had to die – but I think Harry survives as the bit of Voldemort in him dies - and not his whole, untarnished, 'loving' soul.

"His body keeps her sacrifice alive, and while that enchantment survives, so do you and so does Voldemort's one last hope for himself."

So I'm guessing the enchantment died on Vol-(de)-mart the instant he tried to kill Harry the (n-1)th time…... (the nth time it became The End – or… 'a new beginning' etc…. :o) ) Also, very few things could kill/destroy a Horcrux - so I guess the Avada Kedavra curse was one of 'em...considering Harry was a 'live' Horcrux.

Why didn't Dumbledore start his whole Horcrux search before Harry came to Hogwarts when he was 11... he should have known Voldemort created Horcruxes way before Harry's parents were killed? Then what did Dumbledore do for over 15 years I say? He had such a lot of time to hunt them down no?

And why didn't he destroy the Philosopher's Stone way before Harry came to Hogwarts if he was aware that Voldemort might come to seize it... and he did know of the danger and that's why he shifted it to Hogwarts from the Gringotts vault? And what is the point in bringing both Harry and the Stone together in the same place with the evil Voldemort lurking in the background trying to both seize the stone as well as kill Harry?

Some defense for Princy-Pal:

- Dumbledore Uncle knew eventually he would...but not when and how Voldemort could come back -- till the first book happened... and I don't think he knew about Horcruxes till later -- 2nd book is where he was sure.... and since JK was in story-building mode still... 3rd book there was no Voldy-thingy at all... only Scabbers and Sirius stuff :o)

- Slughorn said he had 'been on the move for a year' - at the start of the 6th book - means right after 4th book -- when Lord Vol-vo bus came back on different route... so Al-bus uncle must've been looking for Sluggy (and other stuff) all through 5th year....

- Well, Dumbledore didn't exactly know Voldemort was behind the attempt to steal the Stone. Also, Hagrid was looking for whoever was killing Unicorns in the Forest, so they had no idea till then...
And then, at the end, Harry says "It's almost like he [Dumbledore] thought I had the right to face Voldemort if I could...."

So there! Dumbledore had always...all through the seven years - been teaching them just enough to enable them to try - with their own pluck and skill... and it all started right with the first book.

And with that, we draw towards the close of this episode of Ode to Laziness with a dash of Points to Plunder:

- What's with a children's book saying effin', effin' all the time, my friend -- the Lady in Teal wonders...

- If Tommy Volfiger was such a skilled lie-detector -- how come he believed Nar-sissy when she says 'Hurry.. Potty dead' -- with she being in such an emotionally charged state anyway...?
I guess the ear hears what it wants to... so Riddle didn't really want any more riddles... he wanted to believe Harry was *poof*ed...

- Why did so many good guys have to die......and almost all Death Eaters are alive....? I think Rowling coulda achieved the same sales without the howling... and even at the end, the Order chaps are only stunning friggin' Death Eaters .....who were trying to kill schoolkids for chrissakes (actually for Voldodo's sakes)!

- I guess each Wand recognises its Master (would the feminine noun be Mistress??!?!! :D :D) as 'defeated' ... hence whatever happened so happened... and as Dumbledore died pre-planned at Snape's hands... so Snape wasn't the master of the Elder Wand -- but Harry just seizing Draco's wand to become Master-Blaster -- ain't that a tad overboard....?

- In the end (it doesn't even matter!) ... well, it is a kiddy book so oversimplification slightly (awrite...overdose) happens!

***phew***

Special Thankooz:
- Lady in Teal a.k.a. Purrr-bah Murugan
- Annaps a.k.a. Annapurna Best Friend

"JHA Luck Dikhla JHA"

2007-05-27T21:26:00.000+05:30

Well... here we are again, and it is with a pensive sigh that the author is reminded of the saying, "Galti baar baar ki JHAaye... to buri aadat kehlaati hai..."

Now what to do except poke a bit of malice-less fun at our esteemed Omito da, who dares not open his ogly ogre orkut these days. It is a credit to the larger-than-life figure of the Brooders Grinn (makers of this blockhead-buster series) that the interest (nor the principal, for that matter) has not waned in the gelastic gaffe gags.

A stray visit to the J(H)Ackass's scrapbook lent us another LOL 'opportoonity' (as the Linusaurus would call it), that was too good to not be shared with y'all..

SCENE I: Birdie Buddy

	somdatta: ´´´´´´´´´´´´´,;***,´´´´,;;, ´´´´´´´´´´´´,¨¨,'¨¨,´´(v) ´´´´´´´´´´´,¨¨¨@";';;-../ ´´´´´´´´´-,¨¨¨¨¨")''-'''(³. ´´´´´´´´//,*¨¨¨¨´¨¨( ´´´´´´´(,(*/"¨""¨¨* ´´´´´´((,/;);)¨¨¨¨ ´´´´´((,*)/*/¨¨¨¨ ´´´´,(,***.:)¨¨¨¨¨¨* ´´´((,****)¨¨¨¨¨¨¨ ´´,(,**/)¨¨¨¨¨,¨ ´´,**/)¨¨¨,¨ ´)/))¨¨* /)¨¨"\)\) /¨¨¨¨,...)!))!).....,( ",¨¨¨¨_)--"--"------/_ FRIENDSHIP BIRD 4 U	May 14

And so on a pedestal was mounted the stuffed bird, (and yes, I do mean the Junkie Joker - his burstiness thanks to mounds of cheese with extra cheese notwithstanding), and so did the infallible fronds of frandship forge forth. We take your leave at this juncture, curtailing SCENE I here to the chirpy refrain of:

"Kabootar JHA JHA JHAaa.....Kabootar JHAaaaa...
Pehle...Doosre? Teesre?...Pachaasve pyaar ki pehli scrap,
Maan Shara ko de aaaaa...."
(Repeat Chorus)

SCENE II: Ek Aur Ho JHAaye !!

And so it was, for half a day, an uneventful vigil... till our growing Gang of JHAbber Nabbers caught a characteristically characterless Am(it)-in-a-JHAm-type stuff to keep us in business. Read on to find out what events transpired hence.

But before we dive in, a skimmin' intro to keep ya up-to-date.......... what 'appears' to be another D.I.D. (your basic Damsel In Distress) surfaces on the horizon, with a breezy no-bush-beating, getting down to business, literally.

Hue view changes to a Blue-YehLo ...and 'ere they go....

Day 1

maan:
hi,

12:41 pm

JAZZ!!!:
hi!!

1:46 pm

(This mono-syllabic recurring theme is gettin' a tad monotonous, no?)

maan:

hi again so tell me u ll b help me abt mba.

2:23 pm

(And that's an order, you nitwit!)

JAZZ!!!:
ok.

2:58 pm

(That was fast, by Jazzy's standards, I admit!)

maan:
ok meant wt

3:05 pm

(Last time I checked it meant 'all correct'.)

maan:
help karenge ya nai.

3:05 pm

(To the nai [barber] it is, I say!)

JAZZ!!!:
yes sure..

3:44 pm

(Bhediya saala.)

DAY 2

maan:
hi,what do u wanna abt me n my edu.

11:47 am

(Huh? I dunn wanna...)

maan:
sure ke aage kuch kiya jaaye slow hai bahut aap kisi ki help mai itna sochna my god really........

2:42 pm

(I don't believe in God, but REEEALLLY!!! As has been well-established previously, JHAzz Booz is wayyy too slow.)

JAZZ!!!:
well communication and good coachin institute will
help!!!

4:58 pm

(Gee whiz, just keep scrappin' JHA jee daily ;o) ...and join some Forum/Launcher sh*t and Voila! You got yerself an MBA, m'lady!
WTF does he mean "communication ...will help" ??!?!!)

maan:
hi 1st off all wht sud i do b4 started mba classes.

10:18 pm

(My advice... stay away from JHAndu Raam for starters...)

(CURTAIN)

Blippity blope, this bloke's a joke,
Gotta kick some sense in him,
Or give 'im the dope..

His life's a waste and so is he,
But till we get a good laugh,
We don't care do we?!?!!

Of Ennui and more

2007-05-25T02:11:00.000+05:30

To each his (/her) moan, I say... so while different people have dissimilar ways of cribbing, Yours Truly has it truly well figurined out... me lets it out by scratching me's itch to type. And out comes gibberish prattle like this, that thou hast to readeth...
As I mentioned in the recent past, here I go again, with,
"Cryptic crappy prating utteration
As per the whole congregation..."

So what does one do at the fag end of a day that encompassed 12 hours in front of the comp., interspersed with half a lunch, 2 hours of commuting in one of those notorious Delhi Qualis cabs, and a double dinner to top off....... well, of course the sane person calls it a night ('coz it's pretty dark at midnight I tell ya, 'specially with the streetlights these days being no match for the ones I learnt to read and write under...<*sigh*>), but this case in particular ain't your run-o'-The-Mill-On-The-Floss (though I DO brush every night too)....... .........and damn that's a long sentence.

Haan, so where were we? Ah yes, me and my quirks... the latest being watching movies in parts, with a pounding skull (must be the stray few thoughts bouncing off the yemptyness), and eyelids wiltingly drooping faster than a sunflower in autumn...

So with the beeper cranked up to tweeting point, I mopped up "The Machinist" tonight. Starring Christian Bale (of Batman Begins fame) in a deathlier paler whitier look than a white matchstick smothered in talcum, the 1 hr 37 min fillum claims to be a 'psychological thriller'. Well, criticism comes naturally to Mankind, but I, for one, don't pretend to know what I'm talkin' about, you see. But enough of me (Whoa! Never thought I'd say that in my lifetime!), let us move on with the story.

The protagonist, Trevor Resnick, is shown to be descending into a downward spiral as the film progresses...with delusions at first seeping in, and then washing over him in a tidal wave of panic. Resnick, a machine operator, accidentally causes a gruesome incident at work, and then with everyone resenting being around him, begins to fancy a conspiracy. The Macbethian metaphor of trying to wash blood of his hands was all too familiar to me to strike an impact, and hints at him being the justly marked man for past crimes. The film eventually does leave you with an uncertain hollowness, yet calming at the same time...as Resnick scourges his insomnia and paranoia at long last.

Overall, very watchable if you're the thinking types who like to figure out the story and the psyche behind the character. My rating, 3 and a 1/2 outta 5. Bale's performance is really good, and wikipedia tells me he actually shed 62 pounds (28 kg) - starving himself to a body weight of 55 kg, for that emaciated look, the wasting away of his mind and body shown in the movie.

Wonder if that kinda commitment (stupidity?) would ever happen in Bollywood?

By the way, that reminds me, Episode IV of the JHAapad series is currently in the making. Possible titles are "JHA hai ki maanta nahin" or "Ek aur ho JHAaye". More creative devilry solicited.

"JHAk maroing"

2007-05-14T21:36:00.000+05:30

It is said that bad luck and bad company - cling like a wet chaddi to you-know-what....
It is also said that the JHAlla person is not to be credited with theories of quantum physics.

And lastly, but not the leastly beastly, they say that "The bad you start haunts you badly"....so here we go (for the third time) haranguing the hapless Hamster...

The scintillating reception to the first 2 episodes has emboldened the prowler pack to perpetrate along the same lines... persistently pegging away against all odds, Audacious Altruists at the adjacent altars of Truth and Lampoonery...

We enter the now-familiar stage -- Jha's orkut scrapbook, left-centre, to the fading strains of "Ae Shonaa ...E shonaa" (reminds one of that devastatingly painful creation of Man.... Tara Rum Pum ...or whatever it was!)

The backdrop depicts a picturesque, albeit swelteringly humid, Kolkota Park Street stretch, juxtaposed with the dry dusty loo-ey vista of Dwarka... the heat lends a touch of sedateness, almost dreariness to the environs... the tension created by the first 2 episodes will take time to lift, pervading the atmosphere like a blanket of melted cheddar cheese on a soggy pizza...

On the other hand, the anticipatory palpitation in the 2 hearts would be a different thing altogether, like the lull after the storm (or was it before? ... Doesn't matter a speck!)

In keeping with his current job profile, the BlueFilmer....oops, I mean the BluePrinter appears as the bluedy fool he is.... while the BBB's* reappearance brings sultriness back in vogue....

*BBB: Refer Episode I "JHA in JHAmela"

With this episode, we also bring to you another innovation, the timestamp of each of the dialogues, for an unprecedented insight into the Haivaan's heinous head (stretching the term, but whatever).

SCENE I - "JhaBBBy Reloaded"

somdatta:
hi!!!!!!!!

7:56 pm

(As effervescent as a kid fresh out of school would be!)

JAZZ!!!:
hi!!!

7:56 pm

(The drooling bhediya, tentatively advancing towards his prey, lest she sees through his ignoble intentions.
Actually it's hard to tell whether "Jazz!!!" kicked the axe himself by initiating this intellectual discussion.)

somdatta:
can i talk 2 u in hindi????????

7:58 pm

(Erm...shouldn't YOU be telling him if you CAN talk Hindi??!!)

JAZZ!!!:
haan!!!

7:58 pm

(Waah beta, kya teer maara hai!)

somdatta:
bahat din bad....busy the????????

8:05 pm

(Arre aapke siva kahan busy!!)

somdatta:
by d way ap photoke niche num change kiya kiun???????koi khass..

8:12 pm

(Arre ki bolchhi BBB? 'Num' chaahe Jazz the Jackass ho, par rahenge to neech/niche hee... )

somdatta:
r u there????

8:18 pm

(The vile virile villain has been stumped into submissive silence. Muhahahahaha.)

CURTAIN ON SCENE I

Kya batayein... ab kehne sun ne ko rakha hi kya hai... the J.O.P. (Jha Orkut Police) closes in....and Jazz is in the blues again !! Retro music for the 'time of dance', I guess.

As we saunter into Intermission, tt is to be noticed that there has been no significant contribution from the JHAmadaar in the recently-concluded sequence. Furthermore, it shall soon be evident that the subsequent series of dialogues contains not as much 'spice' as the eager readership has grown accustomed to. Precursory and post nursery examination leads us to laud the widespread reach and impact of the media presence.

However, it's not time yet to play our own tambourine or jump on our own trampoline...much work lies ahead in our Homerian hunt...

So ladies and men ('gentlemen', to me, kinda sounds both oxymoronic and eww at the same time), let us proceed...

Presenting, SCENE II - "Maan JHA"

somdatta:
hi....

7:05 pm

JAZZ!!!:
hulloh!!

10:02 pm

(I think what he meant, or let known through a Freudian slip was ..."HELL! OH you're back!! [Addy aur Daddy ne dekh liya to.....]")

somdatta:
hi!!!

10:11 pm

(The preliminaries seem to form the theme of conversation here.)

somdatta:
yesterday apko "ya!!" bolne me itna time laga ke me net chorkar uth gayithi

10:15 pm

(JHAzzy A is quite a bit slow, as you mighta guessed by now.)

somdatta:
sry.hi ke bad hi bye..gd night
actually sem. ka prep. karni hai......

10:26 pm

(Don't worry, that's what we all do with Jha - Hi ke immediately baad hi Bye!)

JAZZ!!!:
ok.. best of luck!!!

1:18 am

(See how the cornered rat makes his move in the wee hours...thinking the Prowl Patrol would have retired for the day...... but to his dismay......!)

somdatta:
thanks a lot...

5:26 pm

(BBB may have sunk her case here by taking wishes from the JHAleel - project (j)HAlaal karne wala...)

End CURTAIN

As the matters of the day tatter and wind to a JIT-warned unshattering end, our attention has been brought to a startling revelation of JHAndu Raam's changing tendencies slash preferences in matters carnal...

But that can wait, for another time and day...for the moment, it's your Friendly Neighbourhood Writerman signing off....

Timepass

2007-05-13T00:40:00.000+05:30

It's been a long time coming, but the web presence is finally established. Annaps might say a few stray compliments have gone to my head... but it's all just timepass... let's see how long the enthu... and (stretching the term) 'creativity' lasts...

I'm thinking of betting myself this blog won't get past the coming week... and well, it's at least a Win-Win situation for me... :D

Anyway, I dare say I can type a bit... (if not write in the true sense of the word!)..... so here begins a zesty quest for a new subject.... now that we've milked the undermentioned topic for all it's worth... and more... :D :D

Laziness, that's my biggest enemy... and procrastination, the Devil incarnate! Self-introspection apart, funny stuff is hard to come by... gimme a Jha-doo any day and I'd be Monica, Chandler and Rachel (the mean bitch) all rolled into one....

But till then... gotta come up with something that in the near- and long-term future might generate interest enough to be re-read and bring 'smile to face and song to lips and cheer to heart' ....and all that jazz....

So lemme start by putting my latest junk online.... status messages in limerick ishtyle.... inspired by Ogden Nash Uncle... but slightly can't match HIM!

Monday... dawns with that sickening thud! And the gloom that pervades the 'writer' bursts forth as follows:

Upset as onsets the Monday,
Oversoon waned the weekend,
The scribbler inters the quill to lay,
Awaits a reader cognate to commend

Tuesday, slightly better spirits, even going so far as to embodying a Don't-give-a-damn---I'm-good outlook.... positive or not, works out well.... as under:

Trundling with the spool of Time,
Concocting, brewing inscrutable rhyme,
Flanking flak not worth a dime,
Jives his own refrain in chime.

I like it, even after a week of having written it, and that's a rare thing I tell ya! :o)

Wednesday, middle of the dreary work week.....the time of the day just right for descending sharply into What-the-fu**-am-I-doing .... referring to work, and life in general....

Onward creeps the midweek,
Of ennui monotony it reeks,
Life - the meek, the geek, all they seek,
Creaking cranking up melancholy creeks

And from then onwards it's the clichéd 'all downhill'.... writing almost for just the sake of writing....which is never a good sign...rather, it's a sign of approaching vacuous vanity-filled empty-headedness...if you know what I mean......if you don't, even better!
That's Thursday coming up:

Ruckus recurrent of supply-demand,
Fishing through troughs, riding the crest,
Churning trite bland and,
Stray stragglers smile - 'ell! *uck the rest!!

Finally Feel-good Friday fawns.... (ah...I should be called Alliterative Aman :D) ... or should I say dawns?!?!!

Shirk the work, all murk and lurk, Friday's here, with a bump, screech and jerk!

Never mind that all this is being posted on Sunday!!

*****
(2:25 AM IST)

"JHAal mein Makda"

2007-05-12T14:15:00.000+05:30

With unexpectedly tumultous applause to the (un)intended one part series "JHA in JHAmela", closely followed by much cajoling, begging, complimenting, upto the point of threats.... the makers have been forced, nay, talked into... continuing the 'good work'.

This short episode brings to light the shamelessly two-faced Slytherinian (= snaky, for the uninitiated) nature of that dark dodo denizen of Dwarka..... read on for the horrific account.

Presenting Episode II: "JHAal mein Makda"

Scene 1 (of 1): "GotJHA!!!"

We left the crime scene with Amit in a JHAm....with our venerable wonder Addy the Baddy having caught the RanJHA with his pants down.... and believe you him, it wasn't a pretty sight.

For our esteemed readership who have just plugged in, a quick recap might be in order....

JHA is a loser. Period.

And so we continue... on our noble crusade towards entertaining the masses.

But as earlier, let us dwell a tad on the colour scheme..... True to his AB initials, with his soothing series of snappy smites, Addy the Baddy a.k.a. Aditya's words are marked in green. The villainous wretch, is blued as before....

Without further ado, here we go.....Our slap and dagger crusader wastes no time, puts it bluntly, minces no meat.......(even though he's non-veg).......well.... you get the picture. Yours truly follows close behind with his quill and what he thinks is quick wit.

Aditya:
abe o despo .... ab tune yeh kaam shuru kar diye.. do i know you ... lets do friendship wale
|
|
|
V

somdatta:
bye..............

(This was to Amit, the demasked dastard...........and yes...that's a word.)

Amit:
ullu ke pathey
i dont do any such stuff...
its the other way around.

(And ya, I'm the Prince of Wales.)

Aditya:
the despo that you are , you respond to such scraps... disgusting...

(We echo the sentiments wholeheartedly.)

Amit:
kamine.... tum punjabi ek hi nazar se dekhty ho sab cheezon ko... yeh ek frndli talk hai
par tu nahin samjheyga..
jungli bhediyeh...

(Point, hum to bilkul nahin samjhenge...after all...not all of us are born paedophiles....or made into one by this kathor samaaj ke halaat.)

Aditya:
jis din yehi "friendly talk " kissi ladke se kar raha hoga na uss din dekhunga

(Again, as painted in our brief character sketch, AB hits the nail on the head....well, actually wherever it hurts the most.)

CURTAIN

Jaisa ki aapne dekha, aur padha... yeh Haivaan apni kartooton pe bilkul bhi sharminda nahi hai.... in fact, the slimebucket later had the temerity to say that this stuff adds 'spice' to his otherwise mundane morose meaningless zindagi.......... (that it is STILL unnoteworthy, pitiful, purposeless etc... has maybe escaped his attention, but not our paarkhi nazar)...

Well here's to adding a dose of condiments to ours, my erstwhile friend......... muhahahahahaha....

The author stops to ponder,
In a mood far from sombre,
What our moronic hombre,
Was thinking before capering.....

As it turns out, he wasn't !!!

Jab jab is dharti par monotony aur JHAalsaazi ka ghara overflow hoga, utpann hoga ik aisa mini-series, that'll put me in business, and (Bhaag) JHA out of his..........

Special thanks: My partner in crime, rhyme and ROTFL time..... Mr Aditya Bahri (applause please), and all of you (pat yourself of the back, I might be too busy snooping on your orkut.......or, planning another episode).

"JHA in JHAmela"

2007-05-12T13:32:00.000+05:30

*** Disclaimer: This is a TRUE story. Reconstructed from actual events. ***

"JHA in JHAmela"

SCENE I: ACT I

Our very own Amit Jha (ab to dost kehne mein bhi sharm aati hai) is added as a friend by some random female from the land West to the Bhoomi of the Booming Bat-Ball Boys (for whom Dravid goes on record saying: "Bangladesh are a good team. We are ready for them." But that, as they say, is another story.)

So we pick up our narrative at the point we left, which was pretty much at the very beginning :D

Amit Jha, a.k.a. Cheapad, Despo, Kameena, Besharam (Bay-CRM also), Bay-haya, and so on and so forth, is the protagonist of this story. He shall, in keeping with our first name basis organisation culture, be henceforth referred to as "Amit" (in fact, by any dirty word that comes to my, or your imaginative mind).

So the aforementioned lady, a Bong Bombshell Babe (hereinafter referred to as BBB), although very thoughtfully named by her parents as Somdatta, armed with an orkut photu of Miss Vidya Balan (of Parineeta, Munnabhai 2 and Guru fame), 'apparently' added him as friend.

http://www.orkut.com/Profile.aspx?uid=7365686484877563607

Must be the smashing, dashing pic our Hero has on his orkut profile that attracted her......................................
......................who am I kidding... HAHAHA... I seriously doubt this claim from the horse.. sorry.. the HERO's stinking mouth...

Before we dive in...into the sordid details of the male nymphomaniac's tête-à-tête....a word on the colour coding...... In keeping with the blues that Jha will suddenly and most discomfortingly find himself in, his dialogues are in the very same colour that he has come to despise, and as the picture he conjures up are probably of a dusky darling from Darjeeling..... oh sorry...alliteration gets me carried away sometimes......the Kolkotan lady's dialogues are in a sexy chocolatey copper colour...

And as our incessant efforts are to bring to you just the wholesomely true fact(s) of the matter, yours truly's comments are in white itself.

And so...we plunge into the thick of the action...

Amit:
do i know u?

(Ahem, ahem)

somdatta:
no ,I think we r unknown..........

(Not anymore missy, now the world knows YOU!!!)

Amit:
ohh...let me bout urself!!!

(I think what he wanted or tried to say was "Tell me About yourself")

somdatta:
I am 1st yr engg. student.......

(Oooooooooohh..... 1st year!! Matlab - 18/19 se zyada ki kya hogi... woh kya kehte hain.... Speedo??......Pedal???.... haaan.... PAEDOPHILE saaaala !!! )

Amit:
which coll?

somdatta:
SEACOM ENGG CILLZ ( W.B)

(Huh? Marine engineer ki luck dekhi aapne? SEA-kaun sa college???)

Amit:
ohok.. and do u happen to be related to delhi? well i was in cal 5 months back.. its a good place bt in summers its very humid... was stayin in salt lake...

(This eye-opening insight into the weather patterns of the erstwhile capital of our great nation has brought salty tears to my eyes.... *sniff sniff* .................
............And oh, by thee way, my rishtedaari with Delhi goes back a long way...in fact... Pandu pundu - wohi Indraprastha wale........... Qutub Minar Uncle ke poorva vanshaj the... )

somdatta:
in salt lake! 4 which purpose??

(I dunno why..... but the choice of words here makes me roll on the floor laughing!! Hehehehahhaha)

Amit:
i am wrking with IBM was there for my induction.

(No comments)

somdatta:
ohhhhhhhhhh!

(Orgasm? Already?)

Amit:
wat???

(Yeah really........ WHATTTTT?????)

somdatta:
my cousin live in delhi.but i went there 4 tour only with parents & sister.I like delhi,but in summer once we faced..........

(?????? The suspense is building up......!!!!!!!!!
What did the BBB face?
Was it the JHAal of Dilli ki garmi.... or was it the AMITy Universe???

Kya hamara Hero unko bacha payega??

Jaan ne ke liye padhen..... Scene I: Act II of "Jha in JHAmela")

********************************************************************

Jha in JHAmela (contd.)

SCENE I: ACT II

somdatta:
hot wind i.e loo type..we didnt stay comfortably!!!!!!!!!!

(Anti-climax.........HOT wind??? Yeh to sirf Blueprinter ke JHArgon sunke uncomfy ho gayi.... )

Curtain on SCENE I

At this point, the proceedings take a dull turn, but our valiant vermin (means - COCKROACH or RAT) is undaunted, and in his quest to show his cheapskateness, he unleashes his crappiest dialogue.................

Cut to SCENE II: ACT I

Amit:
and wat else is up??

(CHHHI CHHEEEEEE!!!! I'm officially disgusted... what ELSE is up he asks....)

somdatta:
i cant understand........

(Bechaari 18 saal ki bacchi ko kya pata .......

Btw...on a more serious note ... Sunil hota to yeh kehta... Sunil hota to woh kehta... pata nahi kya kehta!!! Ceiling fan, roof, sun/moon/stars etc...)

Amit:
wat r ur likes n dislikes???

(Somehow, that's the explanation to the previous question)

somdatta:
about wat??

(Wah wah.....she wants a frame of reference...)

Amit:
life in general.... like music et all!!!

(Someone explain to me.... how are the 2 related?
"Life in general... = like music ..." ????)

somdatta:
i like cool music generally,but rock only at d time of dance......... do you like rock music?????????

(And I, fortunately or unfortunately, like lukewarm music generally.... and rock only at the time of brushing my teeth.)

This is where our vella vagabond vigilante Addy the Baddy caught Amit the Joker with his hand in the cookie jar!!

Either that, or the J(h)ackass deleted his last 'jhakaas' 'mushy'/ 'rocking' scraps to the BBB *

* Kindly refer to our previous Tehelka-esque story: "BBB Bai aur Jha-doo ka Milan" for complete details of how the Big Bang (pun intended) happened.

The last few dialogues (may) have been obliterated by the scoundrel, whom the avid reader now identifies as none other than AJ, urf Chu****, urf rascal, urf sleazeball, urf dirtbag, uffff... I could go on ad nauseam ad infinitum ... kaafi words hain mere paas... else www.thesaurus.reference.com zindabad !!! :D :D

Anyway... the end, though unavoidable, was rather abrupt...without the tapering off one usually assumes with the normal distribution curve... but then, life, unlike statistics, can be rather unplottable...>

SCENE II ACT II:

somdatta:
bye..............

(CURTAIN)

For sneak peeks into the next episode: "Khud JHAal mein phansi Makdi" please contact Yours Truly.

Guest Appearance: Addy the Baddy - Aditya Bahri
Special thanks to Mr Bahri for his whistle-blowing account of these dark deeds.

Yours Truly,
Aman